The wrong shelf

So far this morning, I woke up at 5:30. I laid in bed thinking of all the things that I needed to get done and finally after I couldn't take it anymore and decided to do something about it, so I got up.

 

Still thinking of all the things that have been pushed to the background the past week or so, I got my coffee and sat down at the kitchen table. Prayed; I opened my Jesus Calling book and bible. After reading some sweet words here I am.

I haven't wrote a blog in a few months. As always, it has crossed my mind, but just never made the time to sit down and write it out.

 

This morning I prayed for direction, guidance, inspiration among other things. This season of our lives has us full, our cup runneth over with many blessings, and it seems that we just push the hard stuff back. Pretend it isn't there or it will just fix it self - disappear - and we move on to the things that we like. The fun stuff or the stuff that is 'right in our faces' and cant be ignored, the everyday things.

 

Part of my life right now is being a MOPs discussion group leader. So that brings new responsibilities. Responsibilities that I like and enjoy doing but that I cant not pretend are not there, because I am accountable to other people. Other people count on me.... Well you may have already thought what I am about to reveal but it just hit me.... yesterday.

 

Being a wife and a mom is the MOST important job I have, aside from being a witness to Christ. And I find myself avoiding the hard stuff in our lives right now. Just going through the motions. Because, lets be honest, who wants to deal with medical bills, or the lack of insurance. We just go day by day and say 'maybe tomorrow'.

 

I had and still do have my priorities on the wrong shelves.  Of course Christ wants me to be strong in Him and to do my best at all my outside-the-home-duties. But not at the expense of my family slipping, even just a little bit.

 

I am in a bible study at my church and we I have realized that there is some people pleasing inside of me. I want to make other people happy and I want to do my best for them. 

 

This morning after my talk with the Lord, I asked myself, 'Am I doing my best for the most important people in my life, Christ, my husband and my son? Am I doing my best for our home life? 

 

Right now I would answer with a weak and anxiety full "probably not". Lately I have been so tired, never getting enough sleep/rest. My anxiety is back and its strong, taking my breath away strong. I can feel the Lord telling me that I need to change something. Maybe reorganize my shelves. Take a good look at what order I have placed my 'things' in and ask Him if that is pleasing to Him. Apart from Him we can do nothing.

 

I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. - John 15:1-5

 

I will continue to remain in Him, seeking his face, and He will remain in me, giving me guidance and grace every step of the way.

 

John 15:11 says, "I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete."

I still feel like a wonderer. Full of anxiety. Needing to do a lot of things, but not real sure where to start, how to start or why I cant just start. I need to refocus my attention on the joy that comes with the presence of God. I believe that He will show me where to start, what is most important.

I am human. I am a sinner, one that fails God daily. But only because of Jesus, we are forgiven!!!! Hallelujah, Hallelujah , Hallelujah!!

Jesus Calling told me to: Worship ME only. I am King of kings and Lord of lords dwelling in unapproachable light. I am taking care of you! I am not only committed to caring for you, but I am also absolutely capable of doing so. Rest in Me, My weary one. Through self-flagellation has gone out of style many of my children drive themselves around like racehorses. They whip themselves into action, ignoring how exhausted they are. They forget that I am sovereign and that My ways are higher than theirs. My invitation never changes, Come to me ALL who are weary, and I will give you rest.

God communes with us. Just like a friend, when He knows we need it. Thank You God for, as always, coming through for me this morning.

What a friend we have in Jesus.

My humble and whole hearted prayer will be this:

You, God, are my God,
    earnestly I seek you;
I thirst for you,
    my whole being longs for you,
in a dry and parched land
    where there is no water.

² I have seen you in the sanctuary
    and beheld your power and your glory.
³ Because your love is better than life,
    my lips will glorify you.
⁴ I will praise you as long as I live,
    and in your name I will lift up my hands.
⁵ I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;
    with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

⁶ On my bed I remember you;
    I think of you through the watches of the night.
⁷ Because you are my help,
    I sing in the shadow of your wings.
⁸ I cling to you;
    your right hand upholds me.

⁹ Those who want to kill me will be destroyed;
    they will go down to the depths of the earth.
¹⁰ They will be given over to the sword
    and become food for jackals.

¹¹ But the king will rejoice in God;
    all who swear by God will glory in him,
    while the mouths of liars will be silenced.

        - Psalm 63 (Written by David, when he was in the Dessert of Judah.)

 

Be Blessed Friends and Bless Someone Else

Mother's Day Rose

I got this rose for Mother's Day from Landen. I let it ride on the dash board in my car for a few days so I could be reminded of something beautiful during a dark time in our lives. As I drove and I saw it wilting in the sun, I decided to dry it out in my bible (which was in the seat beside me during our trips back and forth to the hospital) so I could keep the rose forever. I opened up a page and put it in there. I haven't looked at that rose since or even the page it marked, until this morning when I desperstly needed a word from God.

And you know God, giving us just what we need when we need it!

This mothers day was very hard for us because we lost a mom. I have felt lost and self reliant. Broken hearted for my husband and family. Trying to do it all my self. Feeling and actually having so much to do that I haven't had time to sit and be still with the Lord like I want and need to. But yet trying to compensate for that. I've been trying to do it 'my' way and not the Lords way. 

So this morning as I read Jesus Calling I was curious about the lump in my bible. I turned the page and found the special rose. My heart was softened. I read the verses that were on the page it marked and a certain one stood out to me.   

Psalm 147:10-11

His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of the warrior;  the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.

All of this I know. But I had forgotten because my mind was focused on the wrong things. Sadly to admit, I was failing my God. 

God doesn't want me to be a worrier or things and whats next for our family. Or count on my own strength. These things do not please him. For what pleases my God is fearing HIM and putting my hope in HIS UNFAILING love! 

I love my God. With all that I have. I rejoice in him for he has saved me. He has great plans for me and my whole family. My faith is strong.  He will NEVER leave me. He is the one thing that will always remain. 

Here is the psalm that the rose marked. Psalm 147 It really spoke to me, all of it!

 *Verse 3 marked the top of my page.* 

Psalm 147:3-14 NIV

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.  He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name.  Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit.  The Lord sustains the humble but casts the wicked to the ground.  Sing to the Lord with grateful praise; make music to our God on the harp.  He covers the sky with clouds; he supplies the earth with rain and makes grass grow on the hills.  He provides food for the cattle and for the young ravens when they call.  His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of the warrior;  the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.  Extol the Lord , Jerusalem; praise your God, Zion.  He strengthens the bars of your gates and blesses your people within you.  He grants peace to your borders and satisfies you with the finest of wheat.

This will always hold a special place for me.  

(I was going to just put a short fb status about this, but once I get started it is hard to stop!)

Jesus and Mimi

{{I wrote this blog (to Landen) for Landen's blog page. I wanted to share it for my page.}}

This afternoon when I picked you up from school, you said something that I do not ever want to forget.

Just last week we lost Mimi. She went to be with Jesus. When we told you about it, you understood it really well. You understood that she rose up to be with Jesus, and we can't go see her again until Jesus calls us to heaven. That she got a new body in heaven, a healthy body. And will dance the streets of gold. A body that is new, so we had to bury the old body in a tomb. Just like Jesus.

I am so grateful for God's perfect will. For coming into my life when He did and giving me 2 years to establish truth into your young life; for building the foundation in which we stand on. Without that, you would be lost right now. Without that, we all would be lost right now.

On our drive home, we had to stop by a friends house and deliver a disc. We took a way that we have never traveled before. On that route was a church. When we passed it, you said "I saw Jesus and Mimi!" (Just typing that gives me goose bumps.)

It didn't seem abnormal to me to hear that from you, so I asked, "Where did you see them at?".

You said that you saw them at that church we had just passed. I then asked you what they were doing and you told me that they were picking flowers.

{Right there. Right then, I could see it. The sun shining down on them and my sweet, pure boy seeing his Mimi picking flowers with our Savior.

I elaborated with you and told you how amazing it must be to pick flowers with Jesus! I reaffirmed your vision, because there is not a doubt in my mind about what you saw. How amazing!! To see how God comforts us. He is a God of comfort and peace. We just have to be open to see it. To have child like faith! Thank you Landen!

*Also today in school the teachers told me that you were being extra loud. {Kinda normal for you!} But when I asked you why you were loud today, you told me that you were singing loud for Jesus today! - Well then son, I will let that one slide!*

I love your heart, soul and your faith. You are my daily challenge. A challenge given to me by God, a challenge that I accept graciously and willingly! All for His glory!

I love you so much little man.

Thank you for loving me, even on my worst days. And for letting me see your faith shine through your eyes.

I love you to the stars and back!
- Mommy

Consider the Lilies (Part 2)

I've still been considering how the lilies grow. All the things it takes for a perfect lily to bloom, just the way God intended.

The more and more I twirl the idea around in my head, the more I can see how we are like lilies. (I've had these ideas in my head for a while, it's time they get out.)

I have a small lily bunch in my front yard and about 3 weeks ago I noticed that they hadn't started to bloom. Then one day I noticed that one had sprouted a stem! It still had a while to go before it was ready to be a fully bloomed lily but it was on its way.

 They grow tall stems before they open there bulbs. They don't force there flower open before its ready. They wait patiently. For the perfect amount of time. Patience. Lilies have patience. The amount of time that God deemed necessary.

I can take a lesson from that. Knowing that God has deemed my life necessary and has the perfect amount of time planned out for everything, every season. I haven't fully bloomed yet, but I am on my way.

Once that one lily started, I noticed that all of them started to sprout stems and then bulbs!

They follow suit. 'Plant a seed and watch it grow.' We can be contagious with our behavior. How we treat others and how we treat ourselves. When other people see us doing good deeds, they will be more inclined to follow suit.

Each stem has either two or three flowers on it, very beautiful little bunch! But with each flower comes weight. The more weight, the weaker the stem. There is one poor lily that is on the ground, in need of repair. It is bearing to much weight.

Just like us, we weigh our selves down with stuff, things and activities. The more we do and the more we get, the heavier we become.

God gave us a 'stem' for a purpose. To get stuff done and to provide for our family and others but when we become to over worked and burdened with them, we get heavy and in need of repair.

 

Carrying a load that is too heavy is dangerous. That is when sin creeps in, and satan begins to take over.

God is that repair man, that we so desperatly seek. He created our stems to be beautiful. Not broken and bent. To be strong and healthy, not weak and fragile.

I will have to cut a flower or two off of that stem so it can stand strong again. Maybe even tie it up with another one to help heal it.

We may have to drop some things or activities to heal our bent 'stems' and brokenness and find healing in God. He will and wants too comfort us in our time of need.

Our friends will be there to help hold us up when we can't stand alone anymore. Friendships are important. I am very thankful for mine.

Consider how the lilies grow.

A small verse that has struck my heart. And that is it for now. :)

 

*Be Blessed Friends*

 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." - Matthew 11:28-29

 

Consider the Lilies

I have been reading 1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp. (Counting gifts given by God, daily.) It has really shown me that there is more in my life to be thankful for than I might have thought. To make it a point and look for the little things in the mundane of life, even they are gifts. For every good and perfect thing comes from above.

 

The other day I came across something that has stayed with me. I wrote it larger in my journal so I can see it clearly.

Consider how the lilies grow.

Just that 5 word statement has a packing a bit punch for me. It continues to say that they (the lilies) do not labor or spin. It is found in Luke 12:27 - pertaining to worrying.

 

When I stop to consider how to lilies grow: I am stopping to see the small gifts in life. I am taking time to enjoy each moment, with Brandon, Landen, family, friends, strangers. That I am not trying to labor beyond my limits. That I am not spinning out of control.

 

Consider how the lilies grow.

 

They don't strive to be something they are not. They know what they are and the role they play.

 

They are lilies. They are content with being lilies. (The perfect message from Mrs. Janet yesterday during SS.)

 

Contentment is a choice. Comparison is the killer of contentment.

 

Some would say that a lily can't be compared to, let's say, a rose - the perfect flower. But a lily is in its own right, a beautiful flower.

 

The same can be said for us. We should not be compared to other people.We should not compare ourselves to other people. For we, in our own right, are beautiful.

 

God made one of us. There are no duplicates.

 

When we start to compare ourselves to other people and our things to the things that other people have, they become less attractive.

"But godliness with contentment is great gain." - 1 Timothy 6:6

(Let Jesus provide all that I need and I will have great gain.)

 

Consider how to lilies grow.

 

They want nothing more than what it takes to grow.

"But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that." 1 Timothy 6:8 

"I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." - Philippians 4:10-13

 

Being content is something that is to be learned. Through counting my God given gifts and considering how the lilies grow, I hope to learn more of that. Little by little.

 

Want what you have. Right now, I can learn to be content with my messy house. I love the people who make it messy and I have stuff to make it messy! I am content with the clothes that I have even though the stores make me feel otherwise. We can give some away to people in need, because we have plenty.

 

Want the people you have. Everyday with my husband and child may not be perfect but they are MINE and I am THERE'S.

 

Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. They are content.

 

I am Miranda Allbright and I am learning to be content.

 

*Be Blessed Friends*

 

With Time?

{Warning - a blog of me missing an old friend. Its about to get personal.}

 

How does the old saying go, "just give it time", or "don't worry, time will heal your wound". {Something like that?}

 

How much time is needed?

 

What about distance? Does distance heal brokenness?  How much distance is needed?

 

I don't know the answers to these questions, I dont need them. 

 

The only answer I need is God. Who can heal all wounds? God.

 

God can. And God will.  I dont know how He will, but He will.

 

I am personally in the process of healing/growing from a... whats the word I am looking for? It isn't a problem because the relationship isn't regreted. I am healing and growing from ... a lesson.

 

It is a lesson to learn about my self (and the other person, if given the chance) but mostly about God, who is strongly helping me through it.

 

Right now, it feels like I will always have this in my life. That I will never be able to drop the connection I had with my friend. There are so many good things that tie us together.

 

It has been months and I still have to give it to the Lord to heal me from the anxiety and sadness it causes. Some days, I give it over to the Lord, many times. Over and over again.

 

I haven't talk to her in months, yet still think about her every day. I want to talk to her, but I feel that I cant. It is a difficult situation.

 

There is a lot of distance between us. Thousands of miles. If distance is needed, we have it.

 

I dont know where she stands, how she feels or anything. My flesh wants to know, but I truly dont need to. God will guide us.

 

Some times it is easier to push it all away and act like it never happened, but being human, your emotions keep your mind wondering. Or for me, that is how it happens. I start to miss her, and then I get myself tied up in knots. 

 

Deep breath and I focus on what is in front of me, my beautiful family.

 

Deep breath and I focus on what God has given me right now, a wonderful and blessed life.

 

Deep breath and I focus on the task at hand, living my current life.

 

Deep breath and I tell satan to back down, he has no place here! He will not fill me with lies about myself or her.

 

I will look back and remember the things that He has done for me and thank Him for the things that He will do for me. I will pray for my friend and her family. I will continue to thank God for her in my life.

 

God is faithful. God works ALL things for good for those who belive in him. 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. - Romans 8:28

Right now, this may not seem like a good thing but there have been good things come out of it.  I may miss my friend dearly, but I know that we are both growing in areas that we couldn't grow together.

 

Maybe for this season in our lives, we are not friends. And that is ok.

 

Ecclesiastes 3:1-11 says:

 

 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot, 

a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build, 

a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

 

Everything beautiful in its time.

 

Now THAT is encouraging and what I will hold onto.

 

*Be Blessed Friends*

 

Don't survive; thrive for God.

I have been a lover of Jesus for almost 2 years now. I am a new Christian, if you will, a 'baby Christian'. But nonetheless, a wholeheartedly, devoted, worshiper of Jesus Christ who saved me from the depth of my lonely pit.

 

Each message our church pastor brings is terrific, he steps aside and lets God intervene and it undoubtedly speaks. The message that he gave yesterday struck a cord with my heart. It was titled "Remain Faithful", and he talked about the Antichrist(s) of the world.

 

If there ever were a message for me.... this was it! Just to remind me of what I am fighting for in my family. To remind us all of what we are fighting for.

 

1 John 2:18-29

Dear children, this is the last hour; and as you have heard that the antichrist is coming, even now many antichrists have come. This is how we know it is the last hour. They went out from us, but they did not really belong to us. For if they had belonged to us, they would have remained with us; but their going showed that none of them belonged to us.

But you have an anointing from the Holy One, and all of you know the truth. I do not write to you because you do not know the truth, but because you do know it and because no lie comes from the truth. Who is the liar? It is whoever denies that Jesus is the Christ. Such a person is the antichrist—denying the Father and the Son. No one who denies the Son has the Father; whoever acknowledges the Son has the Father also. (18-23)

 

How we need to act in a sense of urgency. The world is falling and God's word lives true.

But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people. - 2 Timothy 3:1-5

The world looks like this today. The Antichrist could rise any day and it would be my last day here. The world is looking for this leader to "fix things". 

 

Bro. Kelly said "live with expectancy that today could be the day that Jesus comes." I know that I don't wake up thinking this. I do wake up and pray, but I don't live my day with the expectancy that it could be the last day to see my family, to share love, to show grace, to teach Landen God's word.

 

I do those things, but not with urgency; in the way that maybe I should be.

 

Bro. Kelly also asked the congregation, "Is teaching your children of God's word and love the most important thing, over sports, over shooting guns, over other "priorities"? If it isn't, then it should be." 

 

I sat in the pew, alone, and tears fell. Because I know that, for me, teaching Landen about God is the most important thing.  I didn't know God until I was 27 years old. While I am 100% grateful for the way the Lord found me, I don't want that for Landen to have to wait that long.  I don't want Landen to think that the standards that the world has are acceptable to God, because they aren't.

 

I watched some of the Grammy's last night. I use to watch those award shows all the time, I would even say that I loved them. I love music, and still do. But now my love has changed.

 

I found it unappealing, most of the lyrics were degrading and I kept thinking "I would never let Landen listen to this". "If I heard him repeating this stuff....", "This is what fills kids minds, no wonder they world is failing," "No wonder kids disrespect people [their parents], the world is teaching them it is, not only ok, but acceptable." Man, this gets me fired up!

 

I kept thinking of the antichrist in the world. All these people persuade the audience that it is favorable to act this way. That "this behavior" is desirable. I can tell that I have shut myself off from the world's antics (because I didn't know half of the people on there any more). But once I have seen that, my fire for Jesus and bringing Him to people is stronger! My niece listens to this stuff! What?! Afterall, Jesus doesnt want us Christans to be removed from the world! [I can see myself getting off topic of this blog. Gotta move on!]

 

My challenge for my self is this: Live in this day. Don't wish for it to be tomorrow or 'Friday'. 

 

Don't survive, but thrive! (I have been guilty of saying, "We are surviving." When someone asks how we are doing. - Not anymore!)

 

I plan to make notes and remind my self, that this could be the last day. While I would see my Heavenly Father, my husband would not. I need to do what I can today to show Jesus to him (and the lost world). To make every moment count with Landen and my family.

 

To make every moment count for God.

But, dear friends, remember what the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ foretold. They said to you, “In the last times there will be scoffers who will follow their own ungodly desires.” These are the people who divide you, who follow mere natural instincts and do not have the Spirit.

But you, dear friends, by building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in God’s love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life.

Be merciful to those who doubt; save others by snatching them from the fire; to others show mercy, mixed with fear—hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh. - Jude 17-23

*Be Blessed Friends*

 

To be Led.

Right now there is a lot going on. Mostly not so good things. When things seem jammed pack, my anxiety gets high. The "home body" inside of me gets overwhelmed fairly quickly. 

In my life there are a lot of people I can count on, but the one person, above all, who always come when called, at that exact moment and gives me the perfect word of inspiration, is Jesus.

Show them what it looks like to be led by Me. Show your husband and child the face of Jesus. Even amidst your anxiety. Even when other people ask of your time and supply, put others above yourself.

Show my husband and child what it looks like to be led by Jesus. My husband doesn't know Jesus, and my child only knows Jesus through me. Wow. Those are big shoes to fill. But thankfully I am not the only one filling them, the Holy Spirit intercedes for me. When I run out, He picks me up and we keep going! Praise the Lord for that! 

This morning I have a doctors appointment to (hopefully) find out why I am still having the same issues with cramping.

Tomorrow morning our dear friends will put their 4 month old little girl to rest. God bless her; she is already dancing on the streets of gold with Jesus. 

Brandon has been out of town since Monday, wont be returning until Friday night. Single mom status with Landen is teaching me a lot (and possibly wearing me out)! 

Our garages sale is Saturday and while life happens, this has been put on the back burner. So, in my down time (which is when Landen is sleeping and when all I really want to do is fall down!), I have got to tend to that.... 

But this morning Jesus told me.....Even in all this, you can show people Me. 

If I am showing people who Jesus is, he will ease my anxiety. He will restore my weariness. 

Last night while Landen and I were eating dinner, the song by Jesus Culture "Break Every Chain" came on. (I love that song because it has the power to bring me to my knees.) It just reminds me that there is so much power in the name Jesus!! Power to break EVERY chain.

Show my husband and child what it looks like to be led by Jesus. [Show everyone Jesus!]

I am reminded that I am led by Jesus and Jesus never fails.

I choose to be led by Jesus.

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." - Matthew 5:14-16

In your unfailing love you will lead
the people you have redeemed.
In your strength you will guide them
to your holy dwelling. -Exodus 15:13

*Be Blessed Friends*

Our Journey

We have been through it all. Thick and thin. Good and bad. The pretty and the ugly.

God has provided for our family in many ways to allow me to stay at home with Landen. Today marks the 1 year anniversary of our journey! My heart is so full of thankfulness, gratitude and joy! 

I am very thankful for my husband who is dedicated to our family and enables me to have this time with Landen.

When I decided to take the 'leap of faith' to stay home and quit my job, I knew that there would be bumps in the road but I also knew that there would be many glorious days spent with Landen.

Days spent teaching him new things, teaching him God's word and what he represents, days spent learning about myself through him. Learning how to be a better wife and mom.

Right now, I choose not to look to far ahead into our future. I want to stay right where we are, in the present. It is the first year of our journey. The Lord has much more planned for us, but we need not to worry about any thing but today.

With Landen being a smart, wild, hilarious, energetic 3 year old.

And me, his biggest fan.

On a journey together, one day at a time.

Each day leaning on the Lord for when we run out, he picks up and we keep going.

He certainly keeps me on my toes, and shows me more of myself than I thought was there. But I wouldn't trade the last year for anything. The wisest parenting choice Brandon and I have made.

I love where we are, let us soak in the present.

 

Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.-- Proverbs 22:6

The Power in Waiting

Waiting is a hard thing to do. No matter what you are waiting on, it is hard. We are in a world that is set a a fast pace. Everyone is 'hurry up and wait'. Hurry hurry hurry. Hurry and put the kids to bed. Hurry and eat. Hurry and get do this, hurry and do that. Cant wait for the kids to grow up... you get the point.

 

Some times we are waiting for something great and the waiting is even harder. The anxiety and anticipation build as each day that passes and 'it' hasn't happened yet. 

 

Some times we are waiting for something that only the Lord can give. We don't know when it will occur, or how it will happen, but we know that it will happen. So we wait.

But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. - 2 Peter 3:8

The Lord does not delay. His timing is perfect. It may seem that it is taking forever for the Lord to answer a prayer. But in the process of waiting, he will be teaching, you just need to be open to hearing and seeing him. To be able to hear and see him, you need to know him and the only way to know him is to read his word.  

 

I've always heard that the Lord will make himself known in a time of waiting. Well, I have seen it.

 

I am in a period of waiting for my husband to receive the Lord.

 

For a long time, together as a family we would pray before bed time with Landen. We did this for months. Then when we got a new bed for Landen, things got switched up in how we did bed time. Then, Daddy didn't stay for prayer time anymore. My first instinct was to be upset.  But I stopped myself from even thinking that he was walking out on 'us'. I decided not to let those feelings in and instead, prayed harder for him.

 

I was talking to friend last night at ladies night about this and she brought this to my attention. Maybe he has decided to stop praying with us because now he has to kneel during prayer. Praying on your knees is very powerful.

 

Falling to your knees is a position of submission to the Lord.

 

Just thinking of this makes me cry. Seeing it close is powerful. Seeing Gods hand at work gives me chills.

 

I don't want to speculate or assume anything. But I know what God word says.

 

I know that he will save my husband, in his time.

"For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost". - Luke 19:10

I know that since I ask God for it and truly believe, we will receive it. I whole heartedly thank him for Brandon's salvation daily.

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." - Mark 11:24

I shall wait patiently. Being taught many things in the process. Open to transformation, with my husband.

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him." 1 John 5:14-15

 

"Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:16

In times of need, I can approach his throne with confidence knowing that he will accept me just the way I am and refill me to continue to be his light in this world.

*Be Blessed Friends. Even in trials, I am.*

Change for Grace

So, I'm just gonna be honest here. A lot of my time is spent thinking of things that I want to do better. I am reading a book (or two) about simplifying your life, which I am totally and completely into. 

 

Things that sound amazing for my family, things that I wish I could do, things that I want to try, things that never get done because I am still thinking of them. I turn to prayer and pray about which of them the Lord sees fit for me to expand on. But I become stuck and I digress back into my quick sand.

 

I have a great life, I am not complaining about it at all, that is not what this blog is about. However, I know that I have more potential than I am putting forth.

 

During prayer a few morning's ago, as I was just causally praying to God about why I haven't done these things that are weighing heavier and heavier on me, he casually said,

"You cant expect changes, if you don't make changes."

Yeah, I know, that it so simple and easy to do. Of course you have to make changes if you want changes.

 

You see, I was so busy praying and possibly relying on God to "fix" them that I was forgetting to move.  I was praying but standing still.

 

So I have realized that I need to move! Move forward, even if it is small steps. As long as I am moving in the direction I want to end up! That means I am putting down all the distractions that have been holding me down. To clear my mind and get focused on what I want to be done.

 

I have also been thinking about 'grace' a lot lately. I have been a 'loaded gun' of anxiety. God gives us grace, even though we do not deserve it. Kindness, despite our acts of rebellious against him. Second chances, third chances, fourth chances, fifth chances. He never fails to forgive us, because His loves is never ending.

 

Should we love like that? I think so. How many times has he told me to do something and I ignored him because I thought I knew better, or I wanted something else?  Or because I told myself, "I am still praying about it". Too many, I am afraid.  But yet, he gives me grace and compassion.

 

God wants us to forgive our children for not listening (over and over again), spouses for saying hurtful things, friends for being as human as we are. Grace goes a long way.

 

I see the answer to my anxiety is grace. God extends grace to me so that I can forgive myself for all the times I have messed up in my parenting, as being a wife and being a friend or anywhere in life. I need to extend it to myself as well.

 

In this mornings Jesus Calling, the first line is "It is all right to be human"! Aahhhhhh, thank you Lord. Thankfully it is becuse I fail, everyday. But to hear that it is alright to be human, it was and is comforting! We are all human, all fighting the same battles, in different ways.

 

I will make these simplicity changes. One at a time! My friends and I have a garage sale coming sooner than I think and I HAVE to get moving!! :)

 

{And better yet, we think that we 'need' things that we truly don't, when so many people live without. And what we do buy, sits on the shelves, never gets played with after the first day or we buy our fifth black tshirt. Waistful comes to mind. (Yup, maybe that is another blog entirely!)}

Grace; God's unmerited favor; a manifestation of favor, especially by a superior; a virtue coming from God; kindness; a reprieve; unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification.  

God's
Riches
At
Christ's
Expense 

 

He will take my anxiety away and replace it with grace. If I give my life (completly) to him, pick up my cross and follow him. 

 

Thanks for listening to me, once again! :) Be blessed friends!

Landen's first stitches

I wrote this letter to Landen last night. (Some of you may have read it already, if so please disregard.) I wanted to post it on my blog as well as his.

Dear Landen,

Today you broke the clean streak of not going to the hospital! While it was a minor injury, it is your first and therefore shall be documented!

As usual, on Sunday mornings we went to church. We went to our nursery meeting at 8:15, I was a little late so it was more like 8:20 today. And just like every other Sunday, you play with your friends until its time to go to your class.

But just 10 minutes later, I hear you scream my name and cry. When I see you, there is blood running down your face and a hole in your head, saying you hit your head on a chair. You were in panic mode so I knew I had to stay calm.

Once I got to your level and talked to you, you calmed down. Mrs. Haley gave us a rag, we were able to see how bad it was. Sure enough, you had punctured your forehead. Everyone was very helpful and we all agreed that it would need stitches.

When I told you that we had to leave church, you were very upset (which I knew you would be.) You love church and look forward to it each week.

We drove home and got dad and then headed straight to Taylor Medical Clinic.

Luckily they treat trams differently than illnesses such as the flu. (I was afraid that us sitting in the waiting room, we would catch something.) They got us to a room fairly quickly.

The nurses were very sweet to you and tried to make you feel as comfortable as possible.

Before it was time for the doctor, the nurse cleaned the wound. You handled that well but wanted to leave then.

The worst part was yet to come sweet boy.

The doctor had to numb your head in order to stitch it up. Which meant giving you a shot right in the area that was already in pain (with a big needle too!). It was horrific for me to watch. You were screaming and kicking to get up and for mommy to save you.

It broke my heart. I wanted to comfort you so deeply but knew that you needed the stitches and I couldn't hug you just yet.

The doctor got the first stitch in and you were doing.... ok. The second stitch was not going to happen in your book. You fought and fought. Screamed and screamed.

I had to step way from your head because my heart was hurting an I didn't want you to see momma cry. Everything was fine and I needed to be strong for you because you didn't know that it was going to be ok and my tears may make you think otherwise. You were in so much pain and I've never had to experience these feelings or circumstances before.

The doctored decided to only use one stitch and put medical glue on top if it. When the nurse left to get the glue, you jumped into my arms and wouldn't let go. I had to lay you back down for the glue, which you were ok with but at this point you were hyperventilating.

Once they said you were done, you went with daddy out side, never to enter again. You asked him where I was and he said I was paying and asked if you wanted to go see. You said "no, we will wait outside." On the way home daddy rode in the back seat with you. Seeing you two like that melts my heart. Landen, daddy loves you so much and would do anything for you. (Even squeeze into my backseat!) He promised you ice cream when you were done, and we had to make 3 stops before we got it, but we got it for you!

Being a mother, that may be my first time to feel those emotions but it won't be the last.

You were scared and sad at nap time and asked if I would sleep with you. You said you didn't want me to leave you. Of course I said I would and it was wonderful! Me being with you calmed you and you finally rested. That makes this momma very happy. It was the best nap ever!

Landen Kyne, all the things I do, I do them for you. I love you more than anything this world can offer me.

May God give you comfort and calm your spirit. May he allow you to slow down long enough to heal. May he give you courage not to be afraid of anything that happened today. May God give me and your dad the patience needed and wisdom to point you in the right direction.

From left to right: Waiting at Taylor Medical; After the nurse cleaned it; and at home with your 1 stitch and glue

Us napping together. A precious moment for me.

Our "bad bandage boy!"

Dad send kisses because he had to leave to go to San Antonio for work a hour after we got home. He was very sad.

I pray that this doesn't make you afraid of anything that went on today or of living your beautiful life. Be bold and brave son, with a side of cautiousness!

Love you to the moon and back,

-Momma