Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. - Psalm 25:5

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Change for Grace

So, I'm just gonna be honest here. A lot of my time is spent thinking of things that I want to do better. I am reading a book (or two) about simplifying your life, which I am totally and completely into. 
 
Things that sound amazing for my family, things that I wish I could do, things that I want to try, things that never get done because I am still thinking of them. I turn to prayer and pray about which of them the Lord sees fit for me to expand on. But I become stuck and I digress back into my quick sand.
 
I have a great life, I am not complaining about it at all, that is not what this blog is about. However, I know that I have more potential than I am putting forth.
 
During prayer a few morning's ago, as I was just causally praying to God about why I haven't done these things that are weighing heavier and heavier on me, he casually said,
"You cant expect changes, if you don't make changes."
Yeah, I know, that it so simple and easy to do. Of course you have to make changes if you want changes.
 
You see, I was so busy praying and possibly relying on God to "fix" them that I was forgetting to move.  I was praying but standing still.
 
So I have realized that I need to move! Move forward, even if it is small steps. As long as I am moving in the direction I want to end up! That means I am putting down all the distractions that have been holding me down. To clear my mind and get focused on what I want to be done.
 
I have also been thinking about 'grace' a lot lately. I have been a 'loaded gun' of anxiety. God gives us grace, even though we do not deserve it. Kindness, despite our acts of rebellious against him. Second chances, third chances, fourth chances, fifth chances. He never fails to forgive us, because His loves is never ending.
 
Should we love like that? I think so. How many times has he told me to do something and I ignored him because I thought I knew better, or I wanted something else?  Or because I told myself, "I am still praying about it". Too many, I am afraid.  But yet, he gives me grace and compassion.
 
God wants us to forgive our children for not listening (over and over again), spouses for saying hurtful things, friends for being as human as we are. Grace goes a long way.
 
I see the answer to my anxiety is grace. God extends grace to me so that I can forgive myself for all the times I have messed up in my parenting, as being a wife and being a friend or anywhere in life. I need to extend it to myself as well.
 
In this mornings Jesus Calling, the first line is "It is all right to be human"! Aahhhhhh, thank you Lord. Thankfully it is becuse I fail, everyday. But to hear that it is alright to be human, it was and is comforting! We are all human, all fighting the same battles, in different ways.
 
I will make these simplicity changes. One at a time! My friends and I have a garage sale coming sooner than I think and I HAVE to get moving!! :)
 
{And better yet, we think that we 'need' things that we truly don't, when so many people live without. And what we do buy, sits on the shelves, never gets played with after the first day or we buy our fifth black tshirt. Waistful comes to mind. (Yup, maybe that is another blog entirely!)}
Grace; God's unmerited favor; a manifestation of favor, especially by a superior; a virtue coming from God; kindness; a reprieve; unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification.  
God's
Riches
At
Christ's
Expense 
 
He will take my anxiety away and replace it with grace. If I give my life (completly) to him, pick up my cross and follow him. 
 
Thanks for listening to me, once again! :) Be blessed friends!

Monday, January 21, 2013

Landen's first stitches

I wrote this letter to Landen last night. (Some of you may have read it already, if so please disregard.) I wanted to post it on my blog as well as his.

Dear Landen,

Today you broke the clean streak of not going to the hospital! While it was a minor injury, it is your first and therefore shall be documented!

As usual, on Sunday mornings we went to church. We went to our nursery meeting at 8:15, I was a little late so it was more like 8:20 today. And just like every other Sunday, you play with your friends until its time to go to your class.

But just 10 minutes later, I hear you scream my name and cry. When I see you, there is blood running down your face and a hole in your head, saying you hit your head on a chair. You were in panic mode so I knew I had to stay calm.

Once I got to your level and talked to you, you calmed down. Mrs. Haley gave us a rag, we were able to see how bad it was. Sure enough, you had punctured your forehead. Everyone was very helpful and we all agreed that it would need stitches.

When I told you that we had to leave church, you were very upset (which I knew you would be.) You love church and look forward to it each week.

We drove home and got dad and then headed straight to Taylor Medical Clinic.

Luckily they treat trams differently than illnesses such as the flu. (I was afraid that us sitting in the waiting room, we would catch something.) They got us to a room fairly quickly.

The nurses were very sweet to you and tried to make you feel as comfortable as possible.

Before it was time for the doctor, the nurse cleaned the wound. You handled that well but wanted to leave then.

The worst part was yet to come sweet boy.

The doctor had to numb your head in order to stitch it up. Which meant giving you a shot right in the area that was already in pain (with a big needle too!). It was horrific for me to watch. You were screaming and kicking to get up and for mommy to save you.

It broke my heart. I wanted to comfort you so deeply but knew that you needed the stitches and I couldn't hug you just yet.

The doctor got the first stitch in and you were doing.... ok. The second stitch was not going to happen in your book. You fought and fought. Screamed and screamed.

I had to step way from your head because my heart was hurting an I didn't want you to see momma cry. Everything was fine and I needed to be strong for you because you didn't know that it was going to be ok and my tears may make you think otherwise. You were in so much pain and I've never had to experience these feelings or circumstances before.

The doctored decided to only use one stitch and put medical glue on top if it. When the nurse left to get the glue, you jumped into my arms and wouldn't let go. I had to lay you back down for the glue, which you were ok with but at this point you were hyperventilating.

Once they said you were done, you went with daddy out side, never to enter again. You asked him where I was and he said I was paying and asked if you wanted to go see. You said "no, we will wait outside." On the way home daddy rode in the back seat with you. Seeing you two like that melts my heart. Landen, daddy loves you so much and would do anything for you. (Even squeeze into my backseat!) He promised you ice cream when you were done, and we had to make 3 stops before we got it, but we got it for you!

Being a mother, that may be my first time to feel those emotions but it won't be the last.

You were scared and sad at nap time and asked if I would sleep with you. You said you didn't want me to leave you. Of course I said I would and it was wonderful! Me being with you calmed you and you finally rested. That makes this momma very happy. It was the best nap ever!

Landen Kyne, all the things I do, I do them for you. I love you more than anything this world can offer me.

May God give you comfort and calm your spirit. May he allow you to slow down long enough to heal. May he give you courage not to be afraid of anything that happened today. May God give me and your dad the patience needed and wisdom to point you in the right direction.
From left to right: Waiting at Taylor Medical; After the nurse cleaned it; and at home with your 1 stitch and glue
Us napping together. A precious moment for me.
Our "bad bandage boy!"

Dad send kisses because he had to leave to go to San Antonio for work a hour after we got home. He was very sad.

I pray that this doesn't make you afraid of anything that went on today or of living your beautiful life. Be bold and brave son, with a side of cautiousness!
Love you to the moon and back,
-Momma