Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. - Psalm 25:5

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

With Time?

{Warning - a blog of me missing an old friend. Its about to get personal.}
 
How does the old saying go, "just give it time", or "don't worry, time will heal your wound". {Something like that?}
 
How much time is needed?
 
What about distance? Does distance heal brokenness?  How much distance is needed?
 
I don't know the answers to these questions, I dont need them. 
 
The only answer I need is God. Who can heal all wounds? God.
 
God can. And God will.  I dont know how He will, but He will.
 
I am personally in the process of healing/growing from a... whats the word I am looking for? It isn't a problem because the relationship isn't regreted. I am healing and growing from ... a lesson.
 
It is a lesson to learn about my self (and the other person, if given the chance) but mostly about God, who is strongly helping me through it.
 
Right now, it feels like I will always have this in my life. That I will never be able to drop the connection I had with my friend. There are so many good things that tie us together.
 
It has been months and I still have to give it to the Lord to heal me from the anxiety and sadness it causes. Some days, I give it over to the Lord, many times. Over and over again.
 
I haven't talk to her in months, yet still think about her every day. I want to talk to her, but I feel that I cant. It is a difficult situation.
 
There is a lot of distance between us. Thousands of miles. If distance is needed, we have it.
 
I dont know where she stands, how she feels or anything. My flesh wants to know, but I truly dont need to. God will guide us.
 
Some times it is easier to push it all away and act like it never happened, but being human, your emotions keep your mind wondering. Or for me, that is how it happens. I start to miss her, and then I get myself tied up in knots. 
 
Deep breath and I focus on what is in front of me, my beautiful family.
 
Deep breath and I focus on what God has given me right now, a wonderful and blessed life.
 
Deep breath and I focus on the task at hand, living my current life.
 
Deep breath and I tell satan to back down, he has no place here! He will not fill me with lies about myself or her.
 
I will look back and remember the things that He has done for me and thank Him for the things that He will do for me. I will pray for my friend and her family. I will continue to thank God for her in my life.
 
God is faithful. God works ALL things for good for those who belive in him. 
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. - Romans 8:28
Right now, this may not seem like a good thing but there have been good things come out of it.  I may miss my friend dearly, but I know that we are both growing in areas that we couldn't grow together.
 
Maybe for this season in our lives, we are not friends. And that is ok.
 
Ecclesiastes 3:1-11 says:
 
 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot, 
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build, 
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
 
Everything beautiful in its time.
 
Now THAT is encouraging and what I will hold onto.
 
*Be Blessed Friends*
 




Monday, February 11, 2013

Don't survive; thrive for God.

I have been a lover of Jesus for almost 2 years now. I am a new Christian, if you will, a 'baby Christian'. But nonetheless, a wholeheartedly, devoted, worshiper of Jesus Christ who saved me from the depth of my lonely pit.
 
Each message our church pastor brings is terrific, he steps aside and lets God intervene and it undoubtedly speaks. The message that he gave yesterday struck a cord with my heart. It was titled "Remain Faithful", and he talked about the Antichrist(s) of the world.
 
If there ever were a message for me.... this was it! Just to remind me of what I am fighting for in my family. To remind us all of what we are fighting for.
 
1 John 2:18-29
Dear children, this is the last hour; and as you have heard that the antichrist is coming, even now many antichrists have come. This is how we know it is the last hour. They went out from us, but they did not really belong to us. For if they had belonged to us, they would have remained with us; but their going showed that none of them belonged to us.

But you have an anointing from the Holy One, and all of you know the truth. I do not write to you because you do not know the truth, but because you do know it and because no lie comes from the truth. Who is the liar? It is whoever denies that Jesus is the Christ. Such a person is the antichrist—denying the Father and the Son. No one who denies the Son has the Father; whoever acknowledges the Son has the Father also. (18-23)

 
How we need to act in a sense of urgency. The world is falling and God's word lives true.
But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people. - 2 Timothy 3:1-5
The world looks like this today. The Antichrist could rise any day and it would be my last day here. The world is looking for this leader to "fix things". 
 
Bro. Kelly said "live with expectancy that today could be the day that Jesus comes." I know that I don't wake up thinking this. I do wake up and pray, but I don't live my day with the expectancy that it could be the last day to see my family, to share love, to show grace, to teach Landen God's word.
 
I do those things, but not with urgency; in the way that maybe I should be.
 
Bro. Kelly also asked the congregation, "Is teaching your children of God's word and love the most important thing, over sports, over shooting guns, over other "priorities"? If it isn't, then it should be." 
 
I sat in the pew, alone, and tears fell. Because I know that, for me, teaching Landen about God is the most important thing.  I didn't know God until I was 27 years old. While I am 100% grateful for the way the Lord found me, I don't want that for Landen to have to wait that long.  I don't want Landen to think that the standards that the world has are acceptable to God, because they aren't.
 
I watched some of the Grammy's last night. I use to watch those award shows all the time, I would even say that I loved them. I love music, and still do. But now my love has changed.
 
I found it unappealing, most of the lyrics were degrading and I kept thinking "I would never let Landen listen to this". "If I heard him repeating this stuff....", "This is what fills kids minds, no wonder they world is failing," "No wonder kids disrespect people [their parents], the world is teaching them it is, not only ok, but acceptable." Man, this gets me fired up!
 
I kept thinking of the antichrist in the world. All these people persuade the audience that it is favorable to act this way. That "this behavior" is desirable. I can tell that I have shut myself off from the world's antics (because I didn't know half of the people on there any more). But once I have seen that, my fire for Jesus and bringing Him to people is stronger! My niece listens to this stuff! What?! Afterall, Jesus doesnt want us Christans to be removed from the world! [I can see myself getting off topic of this blog. Gotta move on!]
 
My challenge for my self is this: Live in this day. Don't wish for it to be tomorrow or 'Friday'. 
 
Don't survive, but thrive! (I have been guilty of saying, "We are surviving." When someone asks how we are doing. - Not anymore!)
 
I plan to make notes and remind my self, that this could be the last day. While I would see my Heavenly Father, my husband would not. I need to do what I can today to show Jesus to him (and the lost world). To make every moment count with Landen and my family.
 
To make every moment count for God.
But, dear friends, remember what the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ foretold. They said to you, “In the last times there will be scoffers who will follow their own ungodly desires.” These are the people who divide you, who follow mere natural instincts and do not have the Spirit.

But you, dear friends, by building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in God’s love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life.

Be merciful to those who doubt; save others by snatching them from the fire; to others show mercy, mixed with fear—hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh. - Jude 17-23
*Be Blessed Friends*


 

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

To be Led.

Right now there is a lot going on. Mostly not so good things. When things seem jammed pack, my anxiety gets high. The "home body" inside of me gets overwhelmed fairly quickly. 

In my life there are a lot of people I can count on, but the one person, above all, who always come when called, at that exact moment and gives me the perfect word of inspiration, is Jesus.
Show them what it looks like to be led by Me. Show your husband and child the face of Jesus. Even amidst your anxiety. Even when other people ask of your time and supply, put others above yourself.

Show my husband and child what it looks like to be led by Jesus. My husband doesn't know Jesus, and my child only knows Jesus through me. Wow. Those are big shoes to fill. But thankfully I am not the only one filling them, the Holy Spirit intercedes for me. When I run out, He picks me up and we keep going! Praise the Lord for that! 

This morning I have a doctors appointment to (hopefully) find out why I am still having the same issues with cramping.

Tomorrow morning our dear friends will put their 4 month old little girl to rest. God bless her; she is already dancing on the streets of gold with Jesus. 

Brandon has been out of town since Monday, wont be returning until Friday night. Single mom status with Landen is teaching me a lot (and possibly wearing me out)! 

Our garages sale is Saturday and while life happens, this has been put on the back burner. So, in my down time (which is when Landen is sleeping and when all I really want to do is fall down!), I have got to tend to that.... 

But this morning Jesus told me.....Even in all this, you can show people Me. 

If I am showing people who Jesus is, he will ease my anxiety. He will restore my weariness. 

Last night while Landen and I were eating dinner, the song by Jesus Culture "Break Every Chain" came on. (I love that song because it has the power to bring me to my knees.) It just reminds me that there is so much power in the name Jesus!! Power to break EVERY chain.

Show my husband and child what it looks like to be led by Jesus. [Show everyone Jesus!]

I am reminded that I am led by Jesus and Jesus never fails.

I choose to be led by Jesus.

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." - Matthew 5:14-16

In your unfailing love you will lead
the people you have redeemed.
In your strength you will guide them
to your holy dwelling. -Exodus 15:13

*Be Blessed Friends*

Monday, February 4, 2013

Our Journey



We have been through it all. Thick and thin. Good and bad. The pretty and the ugly.

God has provided for our family in many ways to allow me to stay at home with Landen. Today marks the 1 year anniversary of our journey! My heart is so full of thankfulness, gratitude and joy! 

I am very thankful for my husband who is dedicated to our family and enables me to have this time with Landen.

When I decided to take the 'leap of faith' to stay home and quit my job, I knew that there would be bumps in the road but I also knew that there would be many glorious days spent with Landen.

Days spent teaching him new things, teaching him God's word and what he represents, days spent learning about myself through him. Learning how to be a better wife and mom.

Right now, I choose not to look to far ahead into our future. I want to stay right where we are, in the present. It is the first year of our journey. The Lord has much more planned for us, but we need not to worry about any thing but today.

With Landen being a smart, wild, hilarious, energetic 3 year old.

And me, his biggest fan.

On a journey together, one day at a time.

Each day leaning on the Lord for when we run out, he picks up and we keep going.

He certainly keeps me on my toes, and shows me more of myself than I thought was there. But I wouldn't trade the last year for anything. The wisest parenting choice Brandon and I have made.

I love where we are, let us soak in the present.
 
Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.-- Proverbs 22:6

Friday, February 1, 2013

The Power in Waiting

Waiting is a hard thing to do. No matter what you are waiting on, it is hard. We are in a world that is set a a fast pace. Everyone is 'hurry up and wait'. Hurry hurry hurry. Hurry and put the kids to bed. Hurry and eat. Hurry and get do this, hurry and do that. Cant wait for the kids to grow up... you get the point.
 
Some times we are waiting for something great and the waiting is even harder. The anxiety and anticipation build as each day that passes and 'it' hasn't happened yet. 
 
Some times we are waiting for something that only the Lord can give. We don't know when it will occur, or how it will happen, but we know that it will happen. So we wait.
But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. - 2 Peter 3:8
The Lord does not delay. His timing is perfect. It may seem that it is taking forever for the Lord to answer a prayer. But in the process of waiting, he will be teaching, you just need to be open to hearing and seeing him. To be able to hear and see him, you need to know him and the only way to know him is to read his word.  
 
I've always heard that the Lord will make himself known in a time of waiting. Well, I have seen it.
 
I am in a period of waiting for my husband to receive the Lord.
 
For a long time, together as a family we would pray before bed time with Landen. We did this for months. Then when we got a new bed for Landen, things got switched up in how we did bed time. Then, Daddy didn't stay for prayer time anymore. My first instinct was to be upset.  But I stopped myself from even thinking that he was walking out on 'us'. I decided not to let those feelings in and instead, prayed harder for him.
 
I was talking to friend last night at ladies night about this and she brought this to my attention. Maybe he has decided to stop praying with us because now he has to kneel during prayer. Praying on your knees is very powerful.
 
Falling to your knees is a position of submission to the Lord.
 
Just thinking of this makes me cry. Seeing it close is powerful. Seeing Gods hand at work gives me chills.
 
I don't want to speculate or assume anything. But I know what God word says.
 
I know that he will save my husband, in his time.
"For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost". - Luke 19:10
I know that since I ask God for it and truly believe, we will receive it. I whole heartedly thank him for Brandon's salvation daily.
"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." - Mark 11:24
I shall wait patiently. Being taught many things in the process. Open to transformation, with my husband.

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him." 1 John 5:14-15
 
"Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:16

In times of need, I can approach his throne with confidence knowing that he will accept me just the way I am and refill me to continue to be his light in this world.

*Be Blessed Friends. Even in trials, I am.*