I know it has been a long time since I have blogged. There has been a lot going on.
A real quick run down: I have started taking photos. Faith&Flow Photography. Name given to me by God, going by faith and with the flow of things. It is a hobby that I have a deep passion for!
Not long after I started F&F, a 'friend' decided that she just couldn't bare be my friend anymore. Not sure if the photography thing had anything to do with it, because she completely walked out of my life without an explanation - typical. So I can only assume, since she takes photos too and has blocked me from her Pinterest boards!! Wow, the lengths some people go to is incredible. But that is definitely in the past now.
Moving on!
Now to the reason of this post. Yesterday in Sunday school, we talked about the day that Jesus is coming. That if today were the day, what would you do differently. How would we interact with the lost people in our lives, in the world? Wow. That really hit my heart. Have I been spending my days the way I should be, if Jesus were to come today? Have I been giving Brandon enough information so that he has the best chance of being saved and spending eternal with us? A lot of things were running through my head and heart. I don't think that I have been doing a very good job. I could do much better.
"Jesus, break my heart for what breaks yours." My heart has been broken from Brandon, ever since my heart was saved. I think that when my heart gets broken, I get sad. When I get sad, I ask God for reassurance. He always gives it to me. (This pattern has happened many times in the past) But why do I keep falling back into the "not doing a very good job" state? God always gives me the assurance I need to motivate me. He keeps my heart straight and reminds me that Brandon is my husband, I love him dearly. I need him, and he needs me. We are a team. I cant and will not give up on my team mate.
Last night, I mentioned what was said in Sunday school to him. It didn't go the way I had hoped. Of course, I am always hoping that it will be just want is needed, maybe...just maybe. (I know that Gods timing is perfect, and I cant rush it.)
But it is scary to think that Jesus is coming..... like a 'thief in the night' and we wont know when! Our time will be up. Did we do all we could? Right now, my answer would be 'no'. That makes me really sad. Break my heart sad.
That is motivation for me to step up my game. To pray more, to ask God for ways to show Jesus to Brandon. To change myself so that Brandon can see who Jesus is, maybe in a different light. Not to hide away anymore; especially to my husband. I cant be scared to try to share the 'good news' with my husband.
After our conversation, or lack there of, last night. I was devastated. I felt really, really low. Like I couldn't go on. All I could do is cry. I was in a pit. All by myself, without my husband. Pitty, pitty. (But I know Jesus. I am never in a pit!)
So I did what I know to do. I asked God to give me more reassurance. I need something to help me move forward. Because right now, I feel like giving up. As I cried and cried. He blessed my heart with the song, Desert Song by Hillsong. The lyrics rang so true to what I needed right then, and what I will hold on to.
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
NO WEAPON formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow
So, I am reminded: to pray during battle. That triumph IS on its way! I am a conqueror and co-heir in Christ, I will stand firm with his promises "he sent the Son of Man to seek and save the lost." That I will bring praise to my God. He created me, He saved me, He blesses me. He rescues me. There is NO weapon formed against me that will remain. God is on my side, He will distinguish all flames when I call his name. I will rejoice, He is my victory and HE IS HERE! Resting in the fact that he will never leave me comforts my restless soul. I will NOT fight this battle alone. He is still God, even during my trials. He brought them upon me, he will bring me through them. I do have reason to sing. I do have reason to worship. I cant give up. I HAVE REASON!! The seed that I have received, I will sow. I have been saved, by God's grace and mighty hand. I will sow my seeds with perseverance. This is my family. I will not give up. I have been saved to help share the gospel, to get Jesus to the lost. Starting with my husband.
My heart is still broken, but a broken heart conquers. I love my God. He never fails. I love my husband, and I will not give up on him or us.
If Jesus came today, have you done all you could do to save your lost friends? I am determined to change my "no" to a "yes". Don't give up. God didn't give up on us. Don't give up on them.
