2 Corinthians 4:8-10

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. -  2 Corinthians 4:8-10 

Have you ever read this verse before? I haven't before today. I cant get it out of my head. It is speaking to my soul. I have read it over and over again. And each time I get something out of it. Each time it makes my heart rattle with joy.

 

We are hard pressed on every side but not crushed. We are never incapable of over coming! With god, nothing is impossible! Nothing!!

 

Perplexed, but not in despair.  Definition of despair; loss of hope. As Christians, we always have hope. Our hope is in Jesus Christ alone! God sent his only son to die for our sins so that we can have hope of an eternal future.

 

Persecuted, but not abandoned. The world will persecute us for what we believe or do not believe. How we act or don't act. The culture will persecute us for not following along with the trends. But the Lord will never abandon us. His compassion is new every morning. He never leaves nor forsakes us. He is a strong tower that we can lean on and he will make our paths straight. No one can fathom how  wide and so deep His love for us is.

 

Struck down, but not destroyed.  We are guaranteed to fall but each time we do, we are not destroyed. We fall to learn something about our selves, our journey, or something about God. What is He trying to tell us? Sometimes when we fall we end up closer to God. I know I did. 

 

We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.  We must always remember the effect of Jesus' death. The Crucifixion. Jesus, half God, half man. Perfect in every way, who was also tempted in every way suffered a gruelling death so that we may live! He also died so that we can have the Holy Spirit, what a gift!

 

If we remember his death, then the life of Jesus is revealed in our body; through the way we live. Showing others the life of Jesus Christ. By the way that we don't give up. By the way we don't follow the culture, but choose to follow God's word. By the way we save our marriages and treat our spouses. By the simple acts of kindness towards others, strangers. How we cherish our kids. People will see this and wonder 'what we have' and they will want it too. Thats how we can share the good news friends!

 

This verse has restored my hope that wasn't even broken. It has strengthen me in a new way! I hope that you have found some courage, hope and strength in it as well

 

Happy New Year Friends!! May 2013 bring you many blessings and closer to God.

 

 

2013 Letting Go. A Diving Intervention.

2012 has brought many things that still linger on my heart. I am looking forward to a new year to make a clean start. A start of my choice. Not someone else making that choice for me, because they just feel like it. 

I can make 2013 whatever I want it to be and right now I refuse to make it full of negative thoughts or emotions from the past. Lingering thoughts of why a friendship completely fell apart. So right now, I am letting it all out there, and letting it go. 

The past is there for a reason. I learned a lot and while I regret some it, it has showed me that I truly need to let it all go. For my own sake and sanity. Let go and let God fix whatever is broken. I am not in charge and I am only hurting myself. I wont let the past hold me hostage any more. The 'going back and wondering' is keeping me in the past. I need to accept that it did happen, and that I cant change why or how it happened. But I can move on and I can protect myself from it happening again. I forgive my friend but I can't forget.

I want to talk about resolutions. For the year 2012 I came up with an anagram CLOSER, of things that I wanted to work on. Craft, Love, Organize, Save, Exercise, Read. 

I did good on most of those: I crafted some - not as much as I would have hoped, I did organize the house and our stuff, I saved with the help of our Mighty Provider, I exercised (when chasing our little boy!) and I read a few good books! 

But mostly I loved people. More than ever. I love them when there actions didn't deserve love in return. I loved them when they lashed out at me before they thought about their words and how they sting. I gave love to them because Jesus gave love to me. The Holy Spirit worked in me like never before. When I wanted to lash right back at them for saying hurtful words, I stopped and humbled myself and gave love. It was hard at times but in the end, it was worth it. 

This years resolution anagram is going to be FRESH BREATH. Because, yes, I need a fresh breath! A fresh breath of life! 

A perfect reason to let go and take a deep fresh breath in 2013: I just recently found out that a major prayer has been answered. Not only for me but for two of my friends as well. A while back I desperately prayed, over and over again (Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desire of your heart. - Psalm 37:4) for the Lord to send me a friend. A "garden friend". I was loosing mine and I really needed a friend to communicate to and lean on. A friend in time of need. When I prayed, I just didn't pray for any friend. I specifically asked for a friend here in Longview. Because my old friend was out of town, and that made it hard. 

Well, time passed and just recently two of my new really good friends mentioned to me that they also prayed for friends a while back! 

Did you hear me? They prayed for me too! The same time I was praying for them! That brings tears to my eyes. We prayed for each other, and God answered. 

Us three.. we talk all the time, we laugh, we pray for each other, we share, we craft and we make fun of each other! We have kids the same age, one friend and I went to high school together (we have been friends but just gotten closer) and all three go to the same church. I love those girls. God's unfailing love and faithfulness comes in abundance. He didn't only give me one garden friend, He gave me two! He took away one but replaced her with two. Two Christian women, who would do anything for me and my family. And I for them!

When I think about it like that, it becomes a divine intervention. It is time for me to move on. I don't want to be blocked out of someones life for saying the wrong thing, wanting advice, have to walk on egg shells or have the other party do the same. A divine intervention for both parties, old and new. 

So if you haven't guessed it, the 

"F" in fresh is for friends! I love you Haley and Meagan!! 

"R" is for Rely on God. To fight my fights. 

"E" is for Escape for my sanity. To take some time for myself.

"S" is for Save because of my savior.

"H" is for Heal, my past wounds.

"B" is for Blog. I miss it, maybe it can be part of my Escape!

"R" is for Read. Books and Bible to better myself

"E" is for Exercise

"A" is for Affirm my husband. For all that he does.

"T" is for Teach of Jesus! To all who will listen!

"H"  is for my Health, to get that in check.

That is a lot! But I am looking forward to this fresh start. Not looking back! 2013 will be great, but guaranteed it will bring trials too. When they come, we will take them, one step at a time.

I plan on continuing to take pictures because I love it so much. It is more like hobby for me. I am blessed that there are people out there that admire my work and want me to take there pictures. I don't like the pressure that comes with it being a business per say. I like having Faith and going with the Flow! 

Thank you for listening to me babble about my past and future!  It was weighing heavy on my heart today for some reason. 

I hope you all have had a wonderful Christmas and will have a blessed New Year! 

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3

For God said. "Let light shine out of darkness", made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. - 2 Corinthians 4:6

Perfect Place

I stayed home from nursery tonight, to rest. I felt uneasy about it but something was telling me to do it, so I did. Then when my mom came by to get some dinner on her way back to the hospital. She desperately needed a hug and to be comforted. She was having a break through. 

She has been talking to the Lord and was full of the Holy Spirit. She had once again, given it all to the Lord and needed a shoulder to help her through. To reassure her. To give her encouragement. To cry with her, to hug her and to listen to her. She choose to come to me. She wanted to come to me. 

She told me that the Lord has prepared us all for this moment. That the Lord has prepared me for this moment with all of us. That he has given the the ability to be the spiritual leader of our family for this moment. To lead us through.  

We were both on our knees, asking for the Lords guidance. His mercy and grace. 

That 'something' that kept me home was Almighty God. 

It was more than worth it. A humbling, glorious moment. I was in the perfect place tonight. It reassured my heart, as it did my moms. 

The Lord has a plan. A perfect plan. We don't know what it is, He only lets us see what we need to see for each moment. We don't need to worry about tomorrow, he gives us what we need for today. But with help from the Lord, we can we through the trial we are in, and the next trial.

The law of the LORD is perfect, refreshing the soul. The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy, making wise the simple. - Psalm 19:7

Our Lives are Forever Changed

I want to tell you a story. There are more details that I am not going into but this is the gist of it. For all of you who have prayed for my family, thank you so much. From the bottom of my heart, thank you! I know that your prayer helped save my step-dad.

On Thursday, November 29, God drastically changes my family and the way we view life. He put his plan into motion to show us just how powerful He is. To show us all involved that nothing is out of his reach and that He is in control of all things.  That He is our Provider, our Healer, our Shepard, our Prince of Peace. 

My step dad was in a very horrible 4-wheeler accident. He and my mother were out looking for my moms dog and he got on the 4-wheeler to ride their road (a dead end, county road). He was going too fast and hit something and it flipped. Needless to say, he protected the 4-wheeler and took the brunt of the wreck.  

As we all sat in the ICU waiting room, we compare thoughts, talk and we are in awe of how God has put His perfect plan in to place for us all to see.

Listen to just how this took place: The wreck happened. With in than 2 minutes someone drove down the road, saw him and called 911. The ambulance was there within 5 minutes, in Diana!!!! That town is 20 minutes from Longview!! A neighbor flew into moms drive way and told mom, who was searching for the dog at home that he had been in or at the accident. By the time she got down the road, he was on the stretcher, being treated and was being put in the ambulance. The paramedics and neighbors wouldn't let mom go near Papa because of how serious the head trauma was. All mom could see was blood. 

Mom called me and told me what had happened said that Papa was going to be life-flighted to Good Shepard Medical Center. (I immediately sent my prayer warriors into action. It is so crucial to have some people that you can count on who can pray for you in a time of need.) I drove like crazy to my mom. Praying the whole way there. Jesus save my dad. Have mercy on us! Begging him. 

When I arrived, it was like a movie scene. I had to park far away due because all the neighbors and their friends where out and parked along side the road! I parked and jumped out the car and sprinted to my mom. All I could really see were the ambulance lights and the helicopter lights and feel the cold air on my face and tears down my cheeks. When I found my mom, I also saw Papa being taken out of the ambulance, making his way to the helicopter. I stopped and found time to pray for him. 

We met the helicopter and my sister at the hospital.  We were greeted with kind and calm voices, I can remember it being a relief to hear there calmness. Finally after waiting and shaking to the core someone told us that he was stable! 

He had head trauma but it wasn't as bad as they initially thought. He did however split his head from his eye, straight back over his head, to the back of his neck and then to his ear, wide open. But his skull wasn't cracked or fractured. You could see his skull, perfectly intact. He went into surgery that night to get stitches in his face and staples in his head to fix that problem! The doctors called it a degloving. The worst they have ever seen without any brain injury.

It was very serious and the whole time Papa was worried about his ankle hurting him. I'm sure he was in shock and couldn't feel his head. And, yes, he was talking! My mom got to see him. Tiffany and I were next in line but it was time for surgery. Now looking back, maybe it was best I didn't see him that way. Surgery took precedent. All we could do is pray. God is our hope. 

He has no brain hemorrhaging. No internal bleeding. One broken right rib. A broken left collar bone. a broken jaw. A few broken bones around his right eye. He broke his back at T5 (between shoulder blades) but didn't shatter the bone. It was a clean break. The spinal cord is perfect and the disc isn't harmed. His neck is fractured but not broken. He had road rash all over him and bruises. 

That is a miraculous gift from non other than our Great I Am. He has serious injuries, but the lesser of them. Everything is laid out perfectly to protect him for a full recovery. 

Someone has a lesson to learn. God is teaching us all a lesson. 

My step dad's accident has touched so many lives. Many many people have seen what God has done. My mom made the statement "It is like a family reunion up in this waiting room the past few days." The amount of people praying for him, for us, is remarkable. When God's sheep come together and help each other, we can move mountains.

We don't know who this lesson was for. Maybe it was for Jason, maybe it was for all of us. God is using Jason for a greater purpose. Papa is being used for His glory! I am astounded by that! It is so close and personal, and I love that I am being a part of Gods work. I am looking for my lesson it this all. 

We are all being used for His glory. Sometimes it takes an accident to realize it or to make others focus on that but it is true. We are here for HIS GLORY!  (That is my revelation just now as I reread this. - yup, I'm diggin' that!)

Papa was in the ICU up until just about 1 hour ago. I left the hospital when he got settled into his new room. Finally he is on ortho/neuro floor. Where he will get much better care and physical therapy. This road ahead is long and bumpy, for us all. 

My anxiety and stress levels are really really high. A peak! I am torn between being at home with my family or being at the hospital with my family. I do what I can for my mom during the days when Landen is at school. And I try to get a baby sitter for him the other days. I am wore out. My mind cant focus on the things that need to get done. Leaving the hospital today in just enough time to get Landen, I was almost home! So since I was late, I told his teacher why I was loosing my mind. My mind doesn't get much rest lately and it has taken its toll. I have the worst fever blister I have ever had (or had in many many years). Stress induced, no doubt about it. It hurts so so bad. 

My sister works for hospice. She is wonderful at the hospital. She takes great care of Papa. She knows what to do, when to do it and what to ask and all the ins and outs. Me, not so much. But what I do know is how to clean and take care of stuff! So that is what I do. I bring them food (meals-on-wheels), I clean my moms house. I do stuff for her. 

I wish I could do stuff for Papa, but I am there. In a different way. We are a family and we each pull our own strings to make the puppet work. (Another great ah-ha moment!)

But we are taking this one day at a time. We are a family pulling together to get it done! My step dad, Landen's Papa is alive!! He is alive. That alone is a blessing. God protected him and spared his life. 

We are fighting for him and he is fighting for us! 

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11

Break my heart.

I know it has been a long time since I have blogged. There has been a lot going on. 

A real quick run down: I have started taking photos. Faith&Flow Photography. Name given to me by God, going by faith and with the flow of things. It is a hobby that I have a deep passion for!

Not long after I started F&F, a 'friend' decided that she just couldn't bare be my friend anymore. Not sure if the photography thing had anything to do with it, because she completely walked out of my life without an explanation - typical. So I can only assume, since she takes photos too and has blocked me from her Pinterest boards!! Wow, the lengths some people go to is incredible. But that is definitely in the past now. 

Moving on!

Now to the reason of this post. Yesterday in Sunday school, we talked about the day that Jesus is coming. That if today were the day, what would you do differently. How would we interact with the lost people in our lives, in the world? Wow. That really hit my heart. Have I been spending my days the way I should be, if Jesus were to come today? Have I been giving Brandon enough information so that he has the best chance of being saved and spending eternal with us? A lot of things were running through my head and heart. I don't think that I have been doing a very good job. I could do much better. 

 "Jesus, break my heart for what breaks yours." My heart has been broken from Brandon, ever since my heart was saved. I think that when my heart gets broken, I get sad. When I get sad, I ask God for reassurance. He always gives it to me. (This pattern has happened many times in the past) But why do I keep falling back into the "not doing a very good job" state? God always gives me the assurance I need to motivate me. He keeps my heart straight and reminds me that Brandon is my husband, I love him dearly. I need him, and he needs me. We are a team. I cant and will not give up on my team mate. 

Last night, I mentioned what was said in Sunday school to him. It didn't go the way I had hoped. Of course, I am always hoping that it will be just want is needed, maybe...just maybe. (I know that Gods timing is perfect, and I cant rush it.)

But it is scary to think that Jesus is coming..... like a 'thief in the night' and we wont know when! Our time will be up. Did we do all we could? Right now, my answer would be 'no'. That makes me really sad. Break my heart sad. 

That is motivation for me to step up my game. To pray more, to ask God for ways to show Jesus to Brandon. To change myself so that Brandon can see who Jesus is, maybe in a different light. Not to hide away anymore; especially to my husband. I cant be scared to try to share the 'good news' with my husband.  

After our conversation, or lack there of, last night. I was devastated. I felt really, really low. Like I couldn't go on. All I could do is cry. I was in a pit. All by myself, without my husband. Pitty, pitty. (But I know Jesus. I am never in a pit!)

So I did what I know to do. I asked God to give me more reassurance. I need something to help me move forward. Because right now, I feel like giving up. As I cried and cried. He blessed my heart with the song, Desert Song by Hillsong. The lyrics rang so true to what I needed right then, and what I will hold on to. 

This is my prayer in the desert

And all that's within me feels dry

This is my prayer in the hunger in me

My God is a God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire

In weakness or trial or pain

There is a faith proved

Of more worth than gold

So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise

I will bring praise

No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice

I will declare

God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle

And triumph is still on it's way

I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ

So firm on His promise I'll stand

And I will bring praise

I will bring praise

NO WEAPON formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice

I will declare

God is my victory and He is here

All of my life

In every season

You are still God

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship

And I will bring praise

I will bring praise

No weapon formed against me shall remain

This is my prayer in the harvest

When favor and providence flow

I know I'm filled to be emptied again

The seed I've received I will sow

So, I am reminded: to pray during battle. That triumph IS on its way! I am a conqueror and co-heir in Christ, I will stand firm with his promises "he sent the Son of Man to seek and save the lost." That I will bring praise to my God. He created me, He saved me, He blesses me. He rescues me. There is NO weapon formed against me that will remain. God is on my side, He will distinguish all flames when I call his name. I will rejoice, He is my victory and HE IS HERE!  Resting in the fact that he will never leave me comforts my restless soul. I will NOT fight this battle alone. He is still God, even during my trials. He brought them upon me, he will bring me through them. I do have reason to sing. I do have reason to worship. I cant give up. I HAVE REASON!!  The seed that I have received, I will sow. I have been saved, by God's grace and mighty hand. I will sow my seeds with perseverance. This is my family. I will not give up. I have been saved to help share the gospel, to get Jesus to the lost. Starting with my husband.

My heart is still broken, but a broken heart conquers. I love my God. He never fails. I love my husband, and I will not give up on him or us. 

If Jesus came today, have you done all you could do to save your lost friends? I am determined to change my "no" to a "yes". Don't give up. God didn't give up on us. Don't give up on them.

Jesus Calling Me

I wanted to share what Jesus Calling from February 5th and 6th says. It is like God told me to go to that page and He wont let me leave the month. Every day since then He has spoken to me. Every day I am restored a little bit more.

 

Yesterday for Feb 5, I read:

"The only thing that you can grasp without damaging your soul is My hand".

Wow. That hit me hard. Stopped me in my tracks and made me really think about what I am grasping. I think that is very powerful.  

 

I was recently told by someone that they thought it was brave that I was able to share my thoughts and feelings and be vulnerable through my blog. She likes to write but cant put it out freely. I appreciate her kind words.

 

When I first started writing, it was firstly for myself. To get it out of my head and to make sense of it all. Plus I can go back and look back and remind myself of God powerful work in our life. And Landen can look back and see it as well.

 

Now, I see that these moments are given to me by the Lord, to share freely. He gives them to me, I need to share them. He restores me with His word and with His power. I am sure that I cant be alone with these things I am dealing with and maybe I can help some one else who could be dealing with the same issue.

 

This morning I sat down, ask Jesus Messiah to show me the word He has especially for me.

 

On Feb 6, this is what it says! (Hope your ready!):

Come to Me and rest. I am all about you, to bless and restore. Breathe Me in with each breath. The way just ahead of you is very steep. Slow down  and cling tightly to My hand. I am teaching you a difficult lesson, learned only by hardship.

Lift up empty hands of faith to receive My Precious Presence. Light, Life, Joy and Peace flow freely through this gift. when your focus turns away from Me, you grasp for other things. You drop the glowing gift of My Presence as you reach for lifeless ashes. Return to Me; regain My Presence.

He is teaching me a lesson. A lesson learned only through hardship. The past two days have been good days! Praise be to Him for that!  The circumstances haven't changed. But my outlook on them has, because I have made the choice to use His Holy Spirit to empower me. I need to continue to slow down the pace of our ordinary daily lives and focus in on what the lesson is, we will see the Light, Life, Joy and Peace that flows freely from this gift He has promised.

 

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." - Matthew 11:28-29

Its my choice

Yesterday morning I flipped to a random page in Jesus Calling and word of God spoke directly to me.

"I will get you safely through this day and all your days. But you can find Me only in the present. Each day is a gift from My Father. How ridiculous to grasp for future gifts when today's is set before you! Receive today's gift gratefully, unwrapping it tenderly and delving into its depths. " (Feb3)

I have been  on what I would call a "mental freak out" lately. Every day feels like a struggle. Not sure which way is up or how I get through them. There is a lot going on and when my mind is down, that is when the enemy will attack. And let me tell you, he is attacking.

 

He is in my head. He is in my words. He is in my tone. I have been just going through the motions and the motions haven't been very pretty. I don't like it at all. I miss my joy. I am certain that it isn't very fun for anyone in the Allbright household at this moment.

 

This morning, Brandon let for out of town for a few days. Only to return the morning of Landen's third birthday party. (Just a little more pressure.) But, when he left, I just cried. I stood there feeling sorry for myself. I felt horrible because I had been a ugly person the last few days and now he left. So ran out to him and said a proper goodbye, in the nick-of-time. But I still felt pitty on myself. So I turned to the one place where I could find rest and be open with my ugliness.

 

I opened my bible and my Jesus Calling book. I read today's: ...How much time and energy they waste by being always on the go, rather than taking time to seek my direction for their lives...  I have chosen you less for your strengths than for your weaknesses, which amplify your need for me! Depend on Me more and more and I will shower Peace on all your paths! WOW.

 

Then decided to turn back to Feb 3 and continue with Feb 4....and Word of God keep speaking please!

"Bring Me your weakness, and receive Me peace. Accept yourself and your circumstances just as they are. Do not wear yourself out with analyzing and planning. Instead, let thankfulness and trust be your guides through this day; they will keep you close to Me. As you live in the radiance of My Presence, My Peace shines upon you. You will cease to notice how weak or strong you feel, because you will be focusing on Me. The best way to get through this day is step by step with me. Continue this intimate journey, trusting that the path you are following is headed for heaven."

Along with that was Psalm 29:11 "The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace."

That struck me deeply. Right here in front of me, on my finger tips, in my bible, it says that the Lord gives his people strength and blesses us with peace. The bible is Truth. His word never fails and his promises are never broken.

 

Since this is true, why do I not feel strong and peaceful. Right then I prayed for an answer and guidance. And before I could finish praying I had my answer.

It is a choice. Its my choice.

A choice to use his Holy Spirit for that strength and peace. I have to choose to use it, especially in my ugly moments. It doesn't flow from me because I am a human fleshly sinner. It is up to me to put it into action, daily. Every morning, every minute, every second. To think before I say something to my rambunctious 3 year old. I still have a choice not to be offended when a someone doesnt react like I wish. I have choices! I choose to make choices that will bring glory to God, not shame him. To be intentional, aware of His Spirit within me and use it, for He has given it to me.

 

Otherwise satan takes over, he wins and I die.

 

I have been wanting my joy back. Asking for it, praying for it. But all along it has been my choice. It is MY joy. I am taking it back.

 

We will get through all that the Lord has placed before our family. There are changes taking place. Some good and some not good. But they are all changes that have passed through the Great I Am's powerful hands. That gives comfort to my weary soul. May all of this bring glory to Him and if we fall part in the mean time, may the Lamb of God be there to put our pieces back together.

 

Be Blessed Friends.