Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. - Psalm 25:5

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

The wrong shelf

So far this morning, I woke up at 5:30. I laid in bed thinking of all the things that I needed to get done and finally after I couldn't take it anymore and decided to do something about it, so I got up.
 
Still thinking of all the things that have been pushed to the background the past week or so, I got my coffee and sat down at the kitchen table. Prayed; I opened my Jesus Calling book and bible. After reading some sweet words here I am.

I haven't wrote a blog in a few months. As always, it has crossed my mind, but just never made the time to sit down and write it out.
 
This morning I prayed for direction, guidance, inspiration among other things. This season of our lives has us full, our cup runneth over with many blessings, and it seems that we just push the hard stuff back. Pretend it isn't there or it will just fix it self - disappear - and we move on to the things that we like. The fun stuff or the stuff that is 'right in our faces' and cant be ignored, the everyday things.
 
Part of my life right now is being a MOPs discussion group leader. So that brings new responsibilities. Responsibilities that I like and enjoy doing but that I cant not pretend are not there, because I am accountable to other people. Other people count on me.... Well you may have already thought what I am about to reveal but it just hit me.... yesterday.
 
Being a wife and a mom is the MOST important job I have, aside from being a witness to Christ. And I find myself avoiding the hard stuff in our lives right now. Just going through the motions. Because, lets be honest, who wants to deal with medical bills, or the lack of insurance. We just go day by day and say 'maybe tomorrow'.
 
I had and still do have my priorities on the wrong shelves.  Of course Christ wants me to be strong in Him and to do my best at all my outside-the-home-duties. But not at the expense of my family slipping, even just a little bit.
 
I am in a bible study at my church and we I have realized that there is some people pleasing inside of me. I want to make other people happy and I want to do my best for them. 
 
This morning after my talk with the Lord, I asked myself, 'Am I doing my best for the most important people in my life, Christ, my husband and my son? Am I doing my best for our home life? 
 
Right now I would answer with a weak and anxiety full "probably not". Lately I have been so tired, never getting enough sleep/rest. My anxiety is back and its strong, taking my breath away strong. I can feel the Lord telling me that I need to change something. Maybe reorganize my shelves. Take a good look at what order I have placed my 'things' in and ask Him if that is pleasing to Him. Apart from Him we can do nothing.
 
I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. - John 15:1-5
 
I will continue to remain in Him, seeking his face, and He will remain in me, giving me guidance and grace every step of the way.
 
John 15:11 says, "I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete."

I still feel like a wonderer. Full of anxiety. Needing to do a lot of things, but not real sure where to start, how to start or why I cant just start. I need to refocus my attention on the joy that comes with the presence of God. I believe that He will show me where to start, what is most important.

I am human. I am a sinner, one that fails God daily. But only because of Jesus, we are forgiven!!!! Hallelujah, Hallelujah , Hallelujah!!

Jesus Calling told me to: Worship ME only. I am King of kings and Lord of lords dwelling in unapproachable light. I am taking care of you! I am not only committed to caring for you, but I am also absolutely capable of doing so. Rest in Me, My weary one. Through self-flagellation has gone out of style many of my children drive themselves around like racehorses. They whip themselves into action, ignoring how exhausted they are. They forget that I am sovereign and that My ways are higher than theirs. My invitation never changes, Come to me ALL who are weary, and I will give you rest.

God communes with us. Just like a friend, when He knows we need it. Thank You God for, as always, coming through for me this morning.

What a friend we have in Jesus.

My humble and whole hearted prayer will be this:

You, God, are my God,
    earnestly I seek you;
I thirst for you,
    my whole being longs for you,
in a dry and parched land
    where there is no water.
I have seen you in the sanctuary
    and beheld your power and your glory.
Because your love is better than life,
    my lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live,
    and in your name I will lift up my hands.
I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;
    with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
On my bed I remember you;
    I think of you through the watches of the night.
Because you are my help,
    I sing in the shadow of your wings.
I cling to you;
    your right hand upholds me.
Those who want to kill me will be destroyed;
    they will go down to the depths of the earth.
10 They will be given over to the sword
    and become food for jackals.
11 But the king will rejoice in God;
    all who swear by God will glory in him,
    while the mouths of liars will be silenced.
        - Psalm 63 (Written by David, when he was in the Dessert of Judah.)
 
Be Blessed Friends and Bless Someone Else

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