Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. - Psalm 25:5

Saturday, June 7, 2014

Media fast.

Everything inside of me is telling me "put it down", "live the life that is in front of me, not the life that's behind the screen". No matter how hard I fight it, it fights back harder. It really feels like a trap.
The other day someone said "I have seen on Facebook what you've been up too Landen". There is a lot about that statement that stirred a fire in me. Especially the look of confusion on Landen's face. He was wondering how they knew what he had been up too.
When I was growing up, when someone saw what we had been up too, they were either a part of the event or they knew us. I want that for my son. I have to hold my self accountable for plastering his face all over Facebook and Instragram with all the things that we do.
I spend my time and attention away from my family and activities on Instagram looking at pictures that people put up. Some who I know, some who I 'kinda' know and some who I don't know at all.
I have said that I need Facebook because "my family is on Facebook" and that is how we "stay in touch" or "how am I suppose to see my friends that live far away". The Lord has made it clear that is clearly just another excuse, another strong hold in my life.
Just because it is a good picture, doesn't mean I need to share it. How about I share it on my walls or to my family!
Just because we do something cool or fun, doesn't mean I need to share it. I love what my friend Meagan said "If I didn't post a picture of it, did I really go?" Did we really do it?
The Lord is pressing hard for me to do something about this. I started writing this blog last night and I woke up this morning with it on my mind. All morning I have pondered on it. We are trying to get ready for a party and I can't stop thinking of it. I need to get this out there, of my chest. (If any of you truly care.)
When I get off of Facebook and Instagram, how will you see my pictures of our swim parties, how the Lord is working in our lives, when I speak in from of the church, our craft times, my boy's sweet face, our home building progress, our vacation, or all the fun times we have..... Well you will all just have to believe that our life did not stop! {Shocker!}
I will still be taking pictures because it a passion of mine. But I will keep them for my family. They will be our memories. Maybe I will start a photo album, like my mom did. Something that I can keep, pass to Landen! Not in Instagram.... man I hate thinking that many of my photos are stored nowhere but on Instagram. "Sorry Landen, if you want to see your childhood pictures, go to Instagram." No thank you. Makes my stomach turn.
"Bacon Horns"
I do love seeing my friends pictures but I would really rather have a personal relationship with my friends. Lets work on that shall we?
Maybe this will be for a month, maybe longer. I don't know.  Media had gotten out of control! It will be hard for me, really hard! I already want to post this picture of Landen and Zebb for the world to see! I think I may have a problem and that is how I know it is a problem and time to stop the problem.
If you need me call me, text me, email me, write me!
See you on the bright side!
Be Blessed
In Christ
(And yes, I checked Instagram one more time before I posted this! Lame and shameful!)

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Live with the End in Mind

Have you ever gotten to the end of something and said to yourself "If I only had known"? I sure have. I said it today in my last MOPs meeting when my table did a questionnaire about knowing me. "Man, I wish I would have told them all those things!! If I knew that questionnaire was coming at the end, I would have prepped them." It was a fun little game and I have no knowledge of a questionnaire at the end. But as I was driving home I thought back to what my mentor once told me, "live with the end in mind".
I think my life is wonderful now but let's say that I woke up tomorrow and said "today I am going to live with the end in mind", how different do I think my life would be?  (I predict it would be extrawonderful.)
I would wake up earlier and thank my God for that day and give extra time to Him.
I would never let a moment slip by with out actually living in it fully.
I would always love and serve my husband with humility and a open heart!
I would never say hello to a friend when they crossed my mind no matter what the past says.
I would teach my son about humility, love, grace, commitment, service and how to have fun.
I would search out others who never ask for anything in return and serve them more.
I would dance in the rain with my son instead of watching him.
I would continue to seek the Lords will for us and not get lost in the world.
I would not check my phone when I have a second of free time, instead I would find some one to hug.
I would spend more time dancing in the kitchen with the music up way to loud with my boy....because he just loves it!
I would take time to really delight in the hardships.
I would be weak for Him, when I am weak HE is strong!
These are just a few of the things I would do.
One day, the end will come. It will be a glorious day! I want to be able to fall at His feet and say that I fought a good fight and persevered with faith!
I want to be remembered as a wife, mother and woman who fearfully loved the Lord.
The Lord gave me the word 'seek' for 2014. I am seeking His face and He is showing up! It is remarkable and just lovely! These verses sum it up for me.

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord.
    - Lamentations 3:22-26
'Live with the end in mind'
Bless someone and be blessed friends

Thursday, March 27, 2014

All I need.

The past few days I have been in a slump. Not really sure why. Just a slump. My patience is thin, and my joy is sparse. I don't like it, I don't want to be in it, but here I am there.
This morning Landen's class was scheduled to go to Gator and Friends on a field trip but the weather said 50% chance of rain. Landen was praying for no rain (he is an optimist) I was praying for rain, I mean "God's will" (I am tired folks and wanted my kid free day!). And the trip got canceled. :) 
On my way home from dropping him off at school I was thinking about our evening last night. How I was short with Landen and how I told Brandon "I just don't want to....." "I am tired of fighting with him about it..." and feeling defeated. All because of dinner. Me trying to "win".
At that moment I was listening to the Feminar cd from my friend Laney Wootten. "All I Need".
The lyrics go like this:
All I need to do is worship
All I need to do is say His name out loud
All I need to do is lift my hands, surrender
And bow down

All I need to do is find Him
All I need to do is let His presence fall
All I need to do is worship
Worship the Lord

When theres no way out
Except through a miracle
When theres no way up a mountain
Except to climb it
When everything you hope for
Seems gone
And every dream you've dreamed
Is so far away, thats when I say...
Can I just say that I could hardly drive because of the tears in my eyes.  The answer is right there. My answer. I don't have to feel defeated, because ALL I have to do is worship, say HIS name out loud, LIFT my hands IN SURRENDER and bow down to the Lord. That is ALL I have to do, HE WILL DO THE REST.
I was wrestling with flesh. My flesh, Landen's flesh and Brandon's flesh. But the Spirit has been here all along to free me from that burden.
When Landen's ADHD seems like to much for me to handle, all I need to do is worship. Say His name out loud and lift my hands in surrender and bow down.  When my marriage gets tough, all I need to do is say his name out loud and worship the Lord.  When the world threatens to take us under, all I need to do is say His name out loud!

He not only gives us the answer! HE IS THE ANSWER!

Let us bow down friends and be bless by Jesus. (Its not Laney, but it is good!)

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

The wrong shelf

So far this morning, I woke up at 5:30. I laid in bed thinking of all the things that I needed to get done and finally after I couldn't take it anymore and decided to do something about it, so I got up.
Still thinking of all the things that have been pushed to the background the past week or so, I got my coffee and sat down at the kitchen table. Prayed; I opened my Jesus Calling book and bible. After reading some sweet words here I am.

I haven't wrote a blog in a few months. As always, it has crossed my mind, but just never made the time to sit down and write it out.
This morning I prayed for direction, guidance, inspiration among other things. This season of our lives has us full, our cup runneth over with many blessings, and it seems that we just push the hard stuff back. Pretend it isn't there or it will just fix it self - disappear - and we move on to the things that we like. The fun stuff or the stuff that is 'right in our faces' and cant be ignored, the everyday things.
Part of my life right now is being a MOPs discussion group leader. So that brings new responsibilities. Responsibilities that I like and enjoy doing but that I cant not pretend are not there, because I am accountable to other people. Other people count on me.... Well you may have already thought what I am about to reveal but it just hit me.... yesterday.
Being a wife and a mom is the MOST important job I have, aside from being a witness to Christ. And I find myself avoiding the hard stuff in our lives right now. Just going through the motions. Because, lets be honest, who wants to deal with medical bills, or the lack of insurance. We just go day by day and say 'maybe tomorrow'.
I had and still do have my priorities on the wrong shelves.  Of course Christ wants me to be strong in Him and to do my best at all my outside-the-home-duties. But not at the expense of my family slipping, even just a little bit.
I am in a bible study at my church and we I have realized that there is some people pleasing inside of me. I want to make other people happy and I want to do my best for them. 
This morning after my talk with the Lord, I asked myself, 'Am I doing my best for the most important people in my life, Christ, my husband and my son? Am I doing my best for our home life? 
Right now I would answer with a weak and anxiety full "probably not". Lately I have been so tired, never getting enough sleep/rest. My anxiety is back and its strong, taking my breath away strong. I can feel the Lord telling me that I need to change something. Maybe reorganize my shelves. Take a good look at what order I have placed my 'things' in and ask Him if that is pleasing to Him. Apart from Him we can do nothing.
I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. - John 15:1-5
I will continue to remain in Him, seeking his face, and He will remain in me, giving me guidance and grace every step of the way.
John 15:11 says, "I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete."

I still feel like a wonderer. Full of anxiety. Needing to do a lot of things, but not real sure where to start, how to start or why I cant just start. I need to refocus my attention on the joy that comes with the presence of God. I believe that He will show me where to start, what is most important.

I am human. I am a sinner, one that fails God daily. But only because of Jesus, we are forgiven!!!! Hallelujah, Hallelujah , Hallelujah!!

Jesus Calling told me to: Worship ME only. I am King of kings and Lord of lords dwelling in unapproachable light. I am taking care of you! I am not only committed to caring for you, but I am also absolutely capable of doing so. Rest in Me, My weary one. Through self-flagellation has gone out of style many of my children drive themselves around like racehorses. They whip themselves into action, ignoring how exhausted they are. They forget that I am sovereign and that My ways are higher than theirs. My invitation never changes, Come to me ALL who are weary, and I will give you rest.

God communes with us. Just like a friend, when He knows we need it. Thank You God for, as always, coming through for me this morning.

What a friend we have in Jesus.

My humble and whole hearted prayer will be this:

You, God, are my God,
    earnestly I seek you;
I thirst for you,
    my whole being longs for you,
in a dry and parched land
    where there is no water.
I have seen you in the sanctuary
    and beheld your power and your glory.
Because your love is better than life,
    my lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live,
    and in your name I will lift up my hands.
I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;
    with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
On my bed I remember you;
    I think of you through the watches of the night.
Because you are my help,
    I sing in the shadow of your wings.
I cling to you;
    your right hand upholds me.
Those who want to kill me will be destroyed;
    they will go down to the depths of the earth.
10 They will be given over to the sword
    and become food for jackals.
11 But the king will rejoice in God;
    all who swear by God will glory in him,
    while the mouths of liars will be silenced.
        - Psalm 63 (Written by David, when he was in the Dessert of Judah.)
Be Blessed Friends and Bless Someone Else

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Mother's Day Rose

I got this rose for Mother's Day from Landen. I let it ride on the dash board in my car for a few days so I could be reminded of something beautiful during a dark time in our lives. As I drove and I saw it wilting in the sun, I decided to dry it out in my bible (which was in the seat beside me during our trips back and forth to the hospital) so I could keep the rose forever. I opened up a page and put it in there. I haven't looked at that rose since or even the page it marked, until this morning when I desperstly needed a word from God.

And you know God, giving us just what we need when we need it!

This mothers day was very hard for us because we lost a mom. I have felt lost and self reliant. Broken hearted for my husband and family. Trying to do it all my self. Feeling and actually having so much to do that I haven't had time to sit and be still with the Lord like I want and need to. But yet trying to compensate for that. I've been trying to do it 'my' way and not the Lords way. 

So this morning as I read Jesus Calling I was curious about the lump in my bible. I turned the page and found the special rose. My heart was softened. I read the verses that were on the page it marked and a certain one stood out to me.   

Psalm 147:10-11

His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of the warrior;  the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.

All of this I know. But I had forgotten because my mind was focused on the wrong things. Sadly to admit, I was failing my God. 

God doesn't want me to be a worrier or things and whats next for our family. Or count on my own strength. These things do not please him. For what pleases my God is fearing HIM and putting my hope in HIS UNFAILING love! 

I love my God. With all that I have. I rejoice in him for he has saved me. He has great plans for me and my whole family. My faith is strong.  He will NEVER leave me. He is the one thing that will always remain. 

Here is the psalm that the rose marked. Psalm 147 It really spoke to me, all of it!

 *Verse 3 marked the top of my page.* 

Psalm 147:3-14 NIV

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.  He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name.  Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit.  The Lord sustains the humble but casts the wicked to the ground.  Sing to the Lord with grateful praise; make music to our God on the harp.  He covers the sky with clouds; he supplies the earth with rain and makes grass grow on the hills.  He provides food for the cattle and for the young ravens when they call.  His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of the warrior;  the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.  Extol the Lord , Jerusalem; praise your God, Zion.  He strengthens the bars of your gates and blesses your people within you.  He grants peace to your borders and satisfies you with the finest of wheat.

This will always hold a special place for me.  

(I was going to just put a short fb status about this, but once I get started it is hard to stop!)

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Jesus and Mimi

{{I wrote this blog (to Landen) for Landen's blog page. I wanted to share it for my page.}}

This afternoon when I picked you up from school, you said something that I do not ever want to forget.

Just last week we lost Mimi. She went to be with Jesus. When we told you about it, you understood it really well. You understood that she rose up to be with Jesus, and we can't go see her again until Jesus calls us to heaven. That she got a new body in heaven, a healthy body. And will dance the streets of gold. A body that is new, so we had to bury the old body in a tomb. Just like Jesus.

I am so grateful for God's perfect will. For coming into my life when He did and giving me 2 years to establish truth into your young life; for building the foundation in which we stand on. Without that, you would be lost right now. Without that, we all would be lost right now.

On our drive home, we had to stop by a friends house and deliver a disc. We took a way that we have never traveled before. On that route was a church. When we passed it, you said "I saw Jesus and Mimi!" (Just typing that gives me goose bumps.)

It didn't seem abnormal to me to hear that from you, so I asked, "Where did you see them at?".

You said that you saw them at that church we had just passed. I then asked you what they were doing and you told me that they were picking flowers.

{Right there. Right then, I could see it. The sun shining down on them and my sweet, pure boy seeing his Mimi picking flowers with our Savior.

I elaborated with you and told you how amazing it must be to pick flowers with Jesus! I reaffirmed your vision, because there is not a doubt in my mind about what you saw. How amazing!! To see how God comforts us. He is a God of comfort and peace. We just have to be open to see it. To have child like faith! Thank you Landen!

*Also today in school the teachers told me that you were being extra loud. {Kinda normal for you!} But when I asked you why you were loud today, you told me that you were singing loud for Jesus today! - Well then son, I will let that one slide!*

I love your heart, soul and your faith. You are my daily challenge. A challenge given to me by God, a challenge that I accept graciously and willingly! All for His glory!

I love you so much little man.

Thank you for loving me, even on my worst days. And for letting me see your faith shine through your eyes.

I love you to the stars and back!
- Mommy

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Consider the Lilies (Part 2)

I've still been considering how the lilies grow. All the things it takes for a perfect lily to bloom, just the way God intended.

The more and more I twirl the idea around in my head, the more I can see how we are like lilies. (I've had these ideas in my head for a while, it's time they get out.)

I have a small lily bunch in my front yard and about 3 weeks ago I noticed that they hadn't started to bloom. Then one day I noticed that one had sprouted a stem! It still had a while to go before it was ready to be a fully bloomed lily but it was on its way.

 They grow tall stems before they open there bulbs. They don't force there flower open before its ready. They wait patiently. For the perfect amount of time. Patience. Lilies have patience. The amount of time that God deemed necessary.

I can take a lesson from that. Knowing that God has deemed my life necessary and has the perfect amount of time planned out for everything, every season. I haven't fully bloomed yet, but I am on my way.

Once that one lily started, I noticed that all of them started to sprout stems and then bulbs!

They follow suit. 'Plant a seed and watch it grow.' We can be contagious with our behavior. How we treat others and how we treat ourselves. When other people see us doing good deeds, they will be more inclined to follow suit.

Each stem has either two or three flowers on it, very beautiful little bunch! But with each flower comes weight. The more weight, the weaker the stem. There is one poor lily that is on the ground, in need of repair. It is bearing to much weight.

Just like us, we weigh our selves down with stuff, things and activities. The more we do and the more we get, the heavier we become.

God gave us a 'stem' for a purpose. To get stuff done and to provide for our family and others but when we become to over worked and burdened with them, we get heavy and in need of repair.
Carrying a load that is too heavy is dangerous. That is when sin creeps in, and satan begins to take over.

God is that repair man, that we so desperatly seek. He created our stems to be beautiful. Not broken and bent. To be strong and healthy, not weak and fragile.

I will have to cut a flower or two off of that stem so it can stand strong again. Maybe even tie it up with another one to help heal it.

We may have to drop some things or activities to heal our bent 'stems' and brokenness and find healing in God. He will and wants too comfort us in our time of need.

Our friends will be there to help hold us up when we can't stand alone anymore. Friendships are important. I am very thankful for mine.

Consider how the lilies grow.

A small verse that has struck my heart. And that is it for now. :)
*Be Blessed Friends*
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." - Matthew 11:28-29