Jesus Calling Me

I wanted to share what Jesus Calling from February 5th and 6th says. It is like God told me to go to that page and He wont let me leave the month. Every day since then He has spoken to me. Every day I am restored a little bit more.

 

Yesterday for Feb 5, I read:

"The only thing that you can grasp without damaging your soul is My hand".

Wow. That hit me hard. Stopped me in my tracks and made me really think about what I am grasping. I think that is very powerful.  

 

I was recently told by someone that they thought it was brave that I was able to share my thoughts and feelings and be vulnerable through my blog. She likes to write but cant put it out freely. I appreciate her kind words.

 

When I first started writing, it was firstly for myself. To get it out of my head and to make sense of it all. Plus I can go back and look back and remind myself of God powerful work in our life. And Landen can look back and see it as well.

 

Now, I see that these moments are given to me by the Lord, to share freely. He gives them to me, I need to share them. He restores me with His word and with His power. I am sure that I cant be alone with these things I am dealing with and maybe I can help some one else who could be dealing with the same issue.

 

This morning I sat down, ask Jesus Messiah to show me the word He has especially for me.

 

On Feb 6, this is what it says! (Hope your ready!):

Come to Me and rest. I am all about you, to bless and restore. Breathe Me in with each breath. The way just ahead of you is very steep. Slow down  and cling tightly to My hand. I am teaching you a difficult lesson, learned only by hardship.

Lift up empty hands of faith to receive My Precious Presence. Light, Life, Joy and Peace flow freely through this gift. when your focus turns away from Me, you grasp for other things. You drop the glowing gift of My Presence as you reach for lifeless ashes. Return to Me; regain My Presence.

He is teaching me a lesson. A lesson learned only through hardship. The past two days have been good days! Praise be to Him for that!  The circumstances haven't changed. But my outlook on them has, because I have made the choice to use His Holy Spirit to empower me. I need to continue to slow down the pace of our ordinary daily lives and focus in on what the lesson is, we will see the Light, Life, Joy and Peace that flows freely from this gift He has promised.

 

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." - Matthew 11:28-29

Its my choice

Yesterday morning I flipped to a random page in Jesus Calling and word of God spoke directly to me.

"I will get you safely through this day and all your days. But you can find Me only in the present. Each day is a gift from My Father. How ridiculous to grasp for future gifts when today's is set before you! Receive today's gift gratefully, unwrapping it tenderly and delving into its depths. " (Feb3)

I have been  on what I would call a "mental freak out" lately. Every day feels like a struggle. Not sure which way is up or how I get through them. There is a lot going on and when my mind is down, that is when the enemy will attack. And let me tell you, he is attacking.

 

He is in my head. He is in my words. He is in my tone. I have been just going through the motions and the motions haven't been very pretty. I don't like it at all. I miss my joy. I am certain that it isn't very fun for anyone in the Allbright household at this moment.

 

This morning, Brandon let for out of town for a few days. Only to return the morning of Landen's third birthday party. (Just a little more pressure.) But, when he left, I just cried. I stood there feeling sorry for myself. I felt horrible because I had been a ugly person the last few days and now he left. So ran out to him and said a proper goodbye, in the nick-of-time. But I still felt pitty on myself. So I turned to the one place where I could find rest and be open with my ugliness.

 

I opened my bible and my Jesus Calling book. I read today's: ...How much time and energy they waste by being always on the go, rather than taking time to seek my direction for their lives...  I have chosen you less for your strengths than for your weaknesses, which amplify your need for me! Depend on Me more and more and I will shower Peace on all your paths! WOW.

 

Then decided to turn back to Feb 3 and continue with Feb 4....and Word of God keep speaking please!

"Bring Me your weakness, and receive Me peace. Accept yourself and your circumstances just as they are. Do not wear yourself out with analyzing and planning. Instead, let thankfulness and trust be your guides through this day; they will keep you close to Me. As you live in the radiance of My Presence, My Peace shines upon you. You will cease to notice how weak or strong you feel, because you will be focusing on Me. The best way to get through this day is step by step with me. Continue this intimate journey, trusting that the path you are following is headed for heaven."

Along with that was Psalm 29:11 "The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace."

That struck me deeply. Right here in front of me, on my finger tips, in my bible, it says that the Lord gives his people strength and blesses us with peace. The bible is Truth. His word never fails and his promises are never broken.

 

Since this is true, why do I not feel strong and peaceful. Right then I prayed for an answer and guidance. And before I could finish praying I had my answer.

It is a choice. Its my choice.

A choice to use his Holy Spirit for that strength and peace. I have to choose to use it, especially in my ugly moments. It doesn't flow from me because I am a human fleshly sinner. It is up to me to put it into action, daily. Every morning, every minute, every second. To think before I say something to my rambunctious 3 year old. I still have a choice not to be offended when a someone doesnt react like I wish. I have choices! I choose to make choices that will bring glory to God, not shame him. To be intentional, aware of His Spirit within me and use it, for He has given it to me.

 

Otherwise satan takes over, he wins and I die.

 

I have been wanting my joy back. Asking for it, praying for it. But all along it has been my choice. It is MY joy. I am taking it back.

 

We will get through all that the Lord has placed before our family. There are changes taking place. Some good and some not good. But they are all changes that have passed through the Great I Am's powerful hands. That gives comfort to my weary soul. May all of this bring glory to Him and if we fall part in the mean time, may the Lamb of God be there to put our pieces back together.

 

Be Blessed Friends.

 

 

My Divine Appointment

I am reading Unglued. A great book that takes about many wonderful things, one of which is perspective.

 

Something that I was lacking the last week was perspective. Mainly with Landen.

 

I am nonstop with him. He is almost 3 with an attitude that is growing. Whines at the drop of a hat because he thinks he deserves everything. He is 1 child but majority of the time (and I say this non sarcastically) he is about 3 kids wrapped into 1. He and I have been at each other. We are about to break each other in to pieces!

 

I keep calling and calling on the only person that can help us, the only person who can give me the advice I need. The only person who knows how to handle Landen better than we do; that would be Landen's creator. God. Together, with His help, we will get through this..... and then we will face the next thing!

 

I would ask Landen, who is the only person that can help him and mommy right now and his answer would be Jesus. (Very powerful moment for a momma to witness.) Many, many times Landen and I would fall down into the floor and just pray for Jesus to help us.  We would sit and I would pray. Pray for Jesus to send the Holy Spirit into us, and help us understand one another. It certainly helped calm us down.

 

I love that the moments when I feel that I am coming unglued on my little curious 3 year old, together  we can call upon Jesus for His divine help.

 

But I felt as if I needed more...

 

I didn't know that God was going to give it to me in a Divine Appointment. He is always working on us, in us and around us. So I should have expected it.  Expect the unexpected with God, right?

 

A few weeks ago, two friends and I set up an appointment to travel and see another great friend who has been at Children's Medical Center in Dallas for about a month, with her second daughter who is now 1 month old. But 2 days before the day arrived my traveling companions had stuff come up and were not able to go. But my heart ever so much still wanted to go. So I went. And I am so glad that I did. For more reasons than this blog.  

 

Of course, I don't know God's plan, but dare I say that this was what I needed? A road trip with Jesus, to my unknowingly Divine Appointment? 

 

I was so looking forward to seeing my friend! I miss her!!  There family is in a tough spot, one that God put them in, because He knows that they are going to make it through this. She is a strong woman. A passionate mother, with a baby girl that is fighting for her life. With prayer, faith and God's mercy and grace they will get to come home soon. But not without a long road ahead of their family.

 

Our visit was perfect. The time had slipped away from us and I had to come back home to pick up Landen from school.

 

My view had changed. My heart was softened again. It happened instantly.

 

I was thanking God for allowing my child to 3 years old.

I was thanking God because he has a voice to whine.

I was thanking God because I can hold my baby when I want.

I was thanking God that my child has energy and is healthy. And the list goes on.....

 

I was no longer getting aggravated or irritated with Landen. I know these are all things to be praising God for but when you are caught up in your mundane life; it all starts to look the same.

 

I needed to take a big step outside of my mundane. God put me there.

I needed to see what I have is praise worthy. God showed me that.

I needed to reconnect with a sweet friend. God granted that.

 

Perspective from someone elses eyes looks totally different. You know, while I was with my friend. I got some bad news that has been weighing heavy. But she reached out and helped me, talked with me and even amidst her trouble, she helped me with mine. I love that about her. She is a total rock star! A sweet, caring friend, a faithful Christian and she has a genuine heart.

 

So, while I am working on my imperfect progress.... especially with Landen, I will be seeing my once aggravating, irritating burdens (for lack of a better word), as praise worthy blessings.

 

God gives us everything we need for this day. Nothing more, nothing less. Live by faith, one day at a time.

 

I have been focused on and studying Romans 12:11-12

"Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."

 

Be blessed friends.

 

Words and Actions

I am going to continue to share what other part of my imperfect progress the Lord is helping me work on: my words and actions.

 

Mostly towards my husband. I have been convicted of my words and actions towards 'outsiders' for a long time. It is in the comfort of my home that I let 'my comfy' get in the way. For I have someone who is lost looking at me 24/7. He sees what I do as a reflection of Jesus. I need to be His light, a bright light.

 

A different good friend from a different ladies night told us something that has stuck with me from the moment she spoke the words (these ladies nights we have are GREAT, for our souls!!!) She was talking about how she decided a long time ago to put her selfish needs aside for her husband. That she cant expect him to change if she isn't willing to change. That when she is meeting his needs, he is more willing to meet her needs. BOOM! The light went off! Thanks friend! :)

 

How true is that! It got my wheels turning and here we go!! 

 

How can I expect anything to change when my attitude stinks, or my tone is harsh, or my behavior is anything less than Jesus worthy? I cant and it wont. It will dig a deeper hole; a hole that he nor I can afford to get any deeper.

 

It just so happen that he was out of town that week. The next day, I pondered and prayed about the thoughts going on and how to react in the Spirit and not in the flesh to my husband. Because I want more than nothing to do so. I want him to see the Jesus that loves us, that died for us.

 

I have this dry erase board in the kitchen that usually holds a scripture or phrase. God told me to write a message to myself on it. A message of remembrance. Out in the open. So that my husband can see it. So that he will see that I am focused on changing, making a better change. Those words are seen every day. I walk by them many times. It is most certainly a reminder to choose not be offended and to speak lovingly to my husband. There are few times that I have slipped up, and I have repented and apologized. BUT! I am making imperfect progress.

 

When you get close with God, ask HIM what He shall have you do, and get real with yourself, and DO IT! It is amazing at what you can do!

 

I love it! I think that my husband can see a difference. Him seeing the board makes a difference for his actions, because he knows that I am working on it, I can tell he is working on it. See, I give, he gives - its a marriage!! A great marriage that one day will be united under God!

 

Clinging to this verse:

"Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives." - 1 Peter 3:1-2

 

*GOD IS ALWAYS SO GOOD!*

 

Offended

A good friend of mine said something at a ladies night a while back that has recently come back up in my mind and has stuck with me. She told us that 'being offended is a choice'. Man, I have never forgotten it. I have not chosen to live that way until recently.

 

What people say is not your choice, but you have the choice not to take offense to it. Just thinking about that lifts me from many unnecessary bad attitudes.

 

It helps me see pass the words that people choose. At first they may hurt my feelings, but only if I let them! My fight is not against the person. There words and actions cant hurt me, and I am choosing not to be offended.

 

I have to take a step back from the situation, before I say my first reaction, step away and tell my self "I am not offended by this. It is ok."

 

Just yesterday I had to put this into practice! Once I am convicted on something, I can guarantee that God will put me into many situations that will require me to test my endurance and stamina in that area. So I better be ready! Lord I hope I am! I think I am! It has really been on my heart and mind. (I remember when I first became a Christian, and was convicted on my patience, He made me sit at the doctors office for 3 hours.... just in the waiting room!! For a 5 minute check up from having my appendix removed!! Sheesh!! That was killer!)

 

I had been ironing our clothes all day Friday; B's shirt, my pants, my shirt, L's pants, L's shirt. Lots of other stuff along with it. I was kinda going crazy and decided it best that we have creases in our pants. So we would all match. Our shirts coordinated, they didn't match 100% but went together, the way family pictures are suppose too. I have never done this before, so I would say there was a small part of me going bizurk!

 

Yesterday as we were getting ready for our family pictures, I reminded B that he needed to pick out his pants and iron them, with creases. He did and then got irritated because the iron put a stain on them and he had to choose a different pair. Then he said that "we don't all have to have creases in our pants and look like the Brady Bunch". I told him (in a sincere voice - because I meant it) that was fine, to do whatever he felt he needed to do. Because in my head I was thinking that if he choose not to have creases, I would just iron out our creases. I would just take care of what I thought was the problem my self. I avoided the argument and chose NOT to be offended.

 

Granted, I may have to step into the bath room and said (in my head) "I am not Mrs. Brady Bunch, I don't even know what that means. They don't dress the same! I am NOT offended by that. It IS ok. I can fix this and it will be a great day." And it was a wonderful day, and my attitude didn't fall into a funk because it only took my about 3 minutes to iron out the creases and we were all happy and I didn't hurt my husband feelings with a snide remark back because I was offended.

 

Before choosing, I would have been extremely offended. I would have blown it way out of proportion and it would have thrown our whole day into a funk, it was happened before. I certainly don't like it when I cant control my emotions, Brandon doesn't like it and I am not showing that I am a Jesus girl by letting it happen. 

 

I was able to stay focused on my blessings. It is only part of my imperfect progress that I am making.

 

This is just the start of my journey of choosing not to be offended. I am taking back control of my feelings.  As Lysa TerKeurst says in unglued:

God gave me more than just a heart to process life. He gave me a mind as well. A mind made for truth to reign supreme and to keep my heart in check. We must remember. "The heart is deceitful above all things.... I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind" (Jeremiah 17:9-10)