Its my choice

Yesterday morning I flipped to a random page in Jesus Calling and word of God spoke directly to me.

"I will get you safely through this day and all your days. But you can find Me only in the present. Each day is a gift from My Father. How ridiculous to grasp for future gifts when today's is set before you! Receive today's gift gratefully, unwrapping it tenderly and delving into its depths. " (Feb3)

I have been  on what I would call a "mental freak out" lately. Every day feels like a struggle. Not sure which way is up or how I get through them. There is a lot going on and when my mind is down, that is when the enemy will attack. And let me tell you, he is attacking.

 

He is in my head. He is in my words. He is in my tone. I have been just going through the motions and the motions haven't been very pretty. I don't like it at all. I miss my joy. I am certain that it isn't very fun for anyone in the Allbright household at this moment.

 

This morning, Brandon let for out of town for a few days. Only to return the morning of Landen's third birthday party. (Just a little more pressure.) But, when he left, I just cried. I stood there feeling sorry for myself. I felt horrible because I had been a ugly person the last few days and now he left. So ran out to him and said a proper goodbye, in the nick-of-time. But I still felt pitty on myself. So I turned to the one place where I could find rest and be open with my ugliness.

 

I opened my bible and my Jesus Calling book. I read today's: ...How much time and energy they waste by being always on the go, rather than taking time to seek my direction for their lives...  I have chosen you less for your strengths than for your weaknesses, which amplify your need for me! Depend on Me more and more and I will shower Peace on all your paths! WOW.

 

Then decided to turn back to Feb 3 and continue with Feb 4....and Word of God keep speaking please!

"Bring Me your weakness, and receive Me peace. Accept yourself and your circumstances just as they are. Do not wear yourself out with analyzing and planning. Instead, let thankfulness and trust be your guides through this day; they will keep you close to Me. As you live in the radiance of My Presence, My Peace shines upon you. You will cease to notice how weak or strong you feel, because you will be focusing on Me. The best way to get through this day is step by step with me. Continue this intimate journey, trusting that the path you are following is headed for heaven."

Along with that was Psalm 29:11 "The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace."

That struck me deeply. Right here in front of me, on my finger tips, in my bible, it says that the Lord gives his people strength and blesses us with peace. The bible is Truth. His word never fails and his promises are never broken.

 

Since this is true, why do I not feel strong and peaceful. Right then I prayed for an answer and guidance. And before I could finish praying I had my answer.

It is a choice. Its my choice.

A choice to use his Holy Spirit for that strength and peace. I have to choose to use it, especially in my ugly moments. It doesn't flow from me because I am a human fleshly sinner. It is up to me to put it into action, daily. Every morning, every minute, every second. To think before I say something to my rambunctious 3 year old. I still have a choice not to be offended when a someone doesnt react like I wish. I have choices! I choose to make choices that will bring glory to God, not shame him. To be intentional, aware of His Spirit within me and use it, for He has given it to me.

 

Otherwise satan takes over, he wins and I die.

 

I have been wanting my joy back. Asking for it, praying for it. But all along it has been my choice. It is MY joy. I am taking it back.

 

We will get through all that the Lord has placed before our family. There are changes taking place. Some good and some not good. But they are all changes that have passed through the Great I Am's powerful hands. That gives comfort to my weary soul. May all of this bring glory to Him and if we fall part in the mean time, may the Lamb of God be there to put our pieces back together.

 

Be Blessed Friends.