2 Corinthians 4:8-10

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. -  2 Corinthians 4:8-10 

Have you ever read this verse before? I haven't before today. I cant get it out of my head. It is speaking to my soul. I have read it over and over again. And each time I get something out of it. Each time it makes my heart rattle with joy.

 

We are hard pressed on every side but not crushed. We are never incapable of over coming! With god, nothing is impossible! Nothing!!

 

Perplexed, but not in despair.  Definition of despair; loss of hope. As Christians, we always have hope. Our hope is in Jesus Christ alone! God sent his only son to die for our sins so that we can have hope of an eternal future.

 

Persecuted, but not abandoned. The world will persecute us for what we believe or do not believe. How we act or don't act. The culture will persecute us for not following along with the trends. But the Lord will never abandon us. His compassion is new every morning. He never leaves nor forsakes us. He is a strong tower that we can lean on and he will make our paths straight. No one can fathom how  wide and so deep His love for us is.

 

Struck down, but not destroyed.  We are guaranteed to fall but each time we do, we are not destroyed. We fall to learn something about our selves, our journey, or something about God. What is He trying to tell us? Sometimes when we fall we end up closer to God. I know I did. 

 

We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.  We must always remember the effect of Jesus' death. The Crucifixion. Jesus, half God, half man. Perfect in every way, who was also tempted in every way suffered a gruelling death so that we may live! He also died so that we can have the Holy Spirit, what a gift!

 

If we remember his death, then the life of Jesus is revealed in our body; through the way we live. Showing others the life of Jesus Christ. By the way that we don't give up. By the way we don't follow the culture, but choose to follow God's word. By the way we save our marriages and treat our spouses. By the simple acts of kindness towards others, strangers. How we cherish our kids. People will see this and wonder 'what we have' and they will want it too. Thats how we can share the good news friends!

 

This verse has restored my hope that wasn't even broken. It has strengthen me in a new way! I hope that you have found some courage, hope and strength in it as well

 

Happy New Year Friends!! May 2013 bring you many blessings and closer to God.

 

 

2013 Letting Go. A Diving Intervention.

2012 has brought many things that still linger on my heart. I am looking forward to a new year to make a clean start. A start of my choice. Not someone else making that choice for me, because they just feel like it. 

I can make 2013 whatever I want it to be and right now I refuse to make it full of negative thoughts or emotions from the past. Lingering thoughts of why a friendship completely fell apart. So right now, I am letting it all out there, and letting it go. 

The past is there for a reason. I learned a lot and while I regret some it, it has showed me that I truly need to let it all go. For my own sake and sanity. Let go and let God fix whatever is broken. I am not in charge and I am only hurting myself. I wont let the past hold me hostage any more. The 'going back and wondering' is keeping me in the past. I need to accept that it did happen, and that I cant change why or how it happened. But I can move on and I can protect myself from it happening again. I forgive my friend but I can't forget.

I want to talk about resolutions. For the year 2012 I came up with an anagram CLOSER, of things that I wanted to work on. Craft, Love, Organize, Save, Exercise, Read. 

I did good on most of those: I crafted some - not as much as I would have hoped, I did organize the house and our stuff, I saved with the help of our Mighty Provider, I exercised (when chasing our little boy!) and I read a few good books! 

But mostly I loved people. More than ever. I love them when there actions didn't deserve love in return. I loved them when they lashed out at me before they thought about their words and how they sting. I gave love to them because Jesus gave love to me. The Holy Spirit worked in me like never before. When I wanted to lash right back at them for saying hurtful words, I stopped and humbled myself and gave love. It was hard at times but in the end, it was worth it. 

This years resolution anagram is going to be FRESH BREATH. Because, yes, I need a fresh breath! A fresh breath of life! 

A perfect reason to let go and take a deep fresh breath in 2013: I just recently found out that a major prayer has been answered. Not only for me but for two of my friends as well. A while back I desperately prayed, over and over again (Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desire of your heart. - Psalm 37:4) for the Lord to send me a friend. A "garden friend". I was loosing mine and I really needed a friend to communicate to and lean on. A friend in time of need. When I prayed, I just didn't pray for any friend. I specifically asked for a friend here in Longview. Because my old friend was out of town, and that made it hard. 

Well, time passed and just recently two of my new really good friends mentioned to me that they also prayed for friends a while back! 

Did you hear me? They prayed for me too! The same time I was praying for them! That brings tears to my eyes. We prayed for each other, and God answered. 

Us three.. we talk all the time, we laugh, we pray for each other, we share, we craft and we make fun of each other! We have kids the same age, one friend and I went to high school together (we have been friends but just gotten closer) and all three go to the same church. I love those girls. God's unfailing love and faithfulness comes in abundance. He didn't only give me one garden friend, He gave me two! He took away one but replaced her with two. Two Christian women, who would do anything for me and my family. And I for them!

When I think about it like that, it becomes a divine intervention. It is time for me to move on. I don't want to be blocked out of someones life for saying the wrong thing, wanting advice, have to walk on egg shells or have the other party do the same. A divine intervention for both parties, old and new. 

So if you haven't guessed it, the 

"F" in fresh is for friends! I love you Haley and Meagan!! 

"R" is for Rely on God. To fight my fights. 

"E" is for Escape for my sanity. To take some time for myself.

"S" is for Save because of my savior.

"H" is for Heal, my past wounds.

"B" is for Blog. I miss it, maybe it can be part of my Escape!

"R" is for Read. Books and Bible to better myself

"E" is for Exercise

"A" is for Affirm my husband. For all that he does.

"T" is for Teach of Jesus! To all who will listen!

"H"  is for my Health, to get that in check.

That is a lot! But I am looking forward to this fresh start. Not looking back! 2013 will be great, but guaranteed it will bring trials too. When they come, we will take them, one step at a time.

I plan on continuing to take pictures because I love it so much. It is more like hobby for me. I am blessed that there are people out there that admire my work and want me to take there pictures. I don't like the pressure that comes with it being a business per say. I like having Faith and going with the Flow! 

Thank you for listening to me babble about my past and future!  It was weighing heavy on my heart today for some reason. 

I hope you all have had a wonderful Christmas and will have a blessed New Year! 

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3

For God said. "Let light shine out of darkness", made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. - 2 Corinthians 4:6

Perfect Place

I stayed home from nursery tonight, to rest. I felt uneasy about it but something was telling me to do it, so I did. Then when my mom came by to get some dinner on her way back to the hospital. She desperately needed a hug and to be comforted. She was having a break through. 

She has been talking to the Lord and was full of the Holy Spirit. She had once again, given it all to the Lord and needed a shoulder to help her through. To reassure her. To give her encouragement. To cry with her, to hug her and to listen to her. She choose to come to me. She wanted to come to me. 

She told me that the Lord has prepared us all for this moment. That the Lord has prepared me for this moment with all of us. That he has given the the ability to be the spiritual leader of our family for this moment. To lead us through.  

We were both on our knees, asking for the Lords guidance. His mercy and grace. 

That 'something' that kept me home was Almighty God. 

It was more than worth it. A humbling, glorious moment. I was in the perfect place tonight. It reassured my heart, as it did my moms. 

The Lord has a plan. A perfect plan. We don't know what it is, He only lets us see what we need to see for each moment. We don't need to worry about tomorrow, he gives us what we need for today. But with help from the Lord, we can we through the trial we are in, and the next trial.

The law of the LORD is perfect, refreshing the soul. The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy, making wise the simple. - Psalm 19:7

Our Lives are Forever Changed

I want to tell you a story. There are more details that I am not going into but this is the gist of it. For all of you who have prayed for my family, thank you so much. From the bottom of my heart, thank you! I know that your prayer helped save my step-dad.

On Thursday, November 29, God drastically changes my family and the way we view life. He put his plan into motion to show us just how powerful He is. To show us all involved that nothing is out of his reach and that He is in control of all things.  That He is our Provider, our Healer, our Shepard, our Prince of Peace. 

My step dad was in a very horrible 4-wheeler accident. He and my mother were out looking for my moms dog and he got on the 4-wheeler to ride their road (a dead end, county road). He was going too fast and hit something and it flipped. Needless to say, he protected the 4-wheeler and took the brunt of the wreck.  

As we all sat in the ICU waiting room, we compare thoughts, talk and we are in awe of how God has put His perfect plan in to place for us all to see.

Listen to just how this took place: The wreck happened. With in than 2 minutes someone drove down the road, saw him and called 911. The ambulance was there within 5 minutes, in Diana!!!! That town is 20 minutes from Longview!! A neighbor flew into moms drive way and told mom, who was searching for the dog at home that he had been in or at the accident. By the time she got down the road, he was on the stretcher, being treated and was being put in the ambulance. The paramedics and neighbors wouldn't let mom go near Papa because of how serious the head trauma was. All mom could see was blood. 

Mom called me and told me what had happened said that Papa was going to be life-flighted to Good Shepard Medical Center. (I immediately sent my prayer warriors into action. It is so crucial to have some people that you can count on who can pray for you in a time of need.) I drove like crazy to my mom. Praying the whole way there. Jesus save my dad. Have mercy on us! Begging him. 

When I arrived, it was like a movie scene. I had to park far away due because all the neighbors and their friends where out and parked along side the road! I parked and jumped out the car and sprinted to my mom. All I could really see were the ambulance lights and the helicopter lights and feel the cold air on my face and tears down my cheeks. When I found my mom, I also saw Papa being taken out of the ambulance, making his way to the helicopter. I stopped and found time to pray for him. 

We met the helicopter and my sister at the hospital.  We were greeted with kind and calm voices, I can remember it being a relief to hear there calmness. Finally after waiting and shaking to the core someone told us that he was stable! 

He had head trauma but it wasn't as bad as they initially thought. He did however split his head from his eye, straight back over his head, to the back of his neck and then to his ear, wide open. But his skull wasn't cracked or fractured. You could see his skull, perfectly intact. He went into surgery that night to get stitches in his face and staples in his head to fix that problem! The doctors called it a degloving. The worst they have ever seen without any brain injury.

It was very serious and the whole time Papa was worried about his ankle hurting him. I'm sure he was in shock and couldn't feel his head. And, yes, he was talking! My mom got to see him. Tiffany and I were next in line but it was time for surgery. Now looking back, maybe it was best I didn't see him that way. Surgery took precedent. All we could do is pray. God is our hope. 

He has no brain hemorrhaging. No internal bleeding. One broken right rib. A broken left collar bone. a broken jaw. A few broken bones around his right eye. He broke his back at T5 (between shoulder blades) but didn't shatter the bone. It was a clean break. The spinal cord is perfect and the disc isn't harmed. His neck is fractured but not broken. He had road rash all over him and bruises. 

That is a miraculous gift from non other than our Great I Am. He has serious injuries, but the lesser of them. Everything is laid out perfectly to protect him for a full recovery. 

Someone has a lesson to learn. God is teaching us all a lesson. 

My step dad's accident has touched so many lives. Many many people have seen what God has done. My mom made the statement "It is like a family reunion up in this waiting room the past few days." The amount of people praying for him, for us, is remarkable. When God's sheep come together and help each other, we can move mountains.

We don't know who this lesson was for. Maybe it was for Jason, maybe it was for all of us. God is using Jason for a greater purpose. Papa is being used for His glory! I am astounded by that! It is so close and personal, and I love that I am being a part of Gods work. I am looking for my lesson it this all. 

We are all being used for His glory. Sometimes it takes an accident to realize it or to make others focus on that but it is true. We are here for HIS GLORY!  (That is my revelation just now as I reread this. - yup, I'm diggin' that!)

Papa was in the ICU up until just about 1 hour ago. I left the hospital when he got settled into his new room. Finally he is on ortho/neuro floor. Where he will get much better care and physical therapy. This road ahead is long and bumpy, for us all. 

My anxiety and stress levels are really really high. A peak! I am torn between being at home with my family or being at the hospital with my family. I do what I can for my mom during the days when Landen is at school. And I try to get a baby sitter for him the other days. I am wore out. My mind cant focus on the things that need to get done. Leaving the hospital today in just enough time to get Landen, I was almost home! So since I was late, I told his teacher why I was loosing my mind. My mind doesn't get much rest lately and it has taken its toll. I have the worst fever blister I have ever had (or had in many many years). Stress induced, no doubt about it. It hurts so so bad. 

My sister works for hospice. She is wonderful at the hospital. She takes great care of Papa. She knows what to do, when to do it and what to ask and all the ins and outs. Me, not so much. But what I do know is how to clean and take care of stuff! So that is what I do. I bring them food (meals-on-wheels), I clean my moms house. I do stuff for her. 

I wish I could do stuff for Papa, but I am there. In a different way. We are a family and we each pull our own strings to make the puppet work. (Another great ah-ha moment!)

But we are taking this one day at a time. We are a family pulling together to get it done! My step dad, Landen's Papa is alive!! He is alive. That alone is a blessing. God protected him and spared his life. 

We are fighting for him and he is fighting for us! 

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11

Break my heart.

I know it has been a long time since I have blogged. There has been a lot going on. 

A real quick run down: I have started taking photos. Faith&Flow Photography. Name given to me by God, going by faith and with the flow of things. It is a hobby that I have a deep passion for!

Not long after I started F&F, a 'friend' decided that she just couldn't bare be my friend anymore. Not sure if the photography thing had anything to do with it, because she completely walked out of my life without an explanation - typical. So I can only assume, since she takes photos too and has blocked me from her Pinterest boards!! Wow, the lengths some people go to is incredible. But that is definitely in the past now. 

Moving on!

Now to the reason of this post. Yesterday in Sunday school, we talked about the day that Jesus is coming. That if today were the day, what would you do differently. How would we interact with the lost people in our lives, in the world? Wow. That really hit my heart. Have I been spending my days the way I should be, if Jesus were to come today? Have I been giving Brandon enough information so that he has the best chance of being saved and spending eternal with us? A lot of things were running through my head and heart. I don't think that I have been doing a very good job. I could do much better. 

 "Jesus, break my heart for what breaks yours." My heart has been broken from Brandon, ever since my heart was saved. I think that when my heart gets broken, I get sad. When I get sad, I ask God for reassurance. He always gives it to me. (This pattern has happened many times in the past) But why do I keep falling back into the "not doing a very good job" state? God always gives me the assurance I need to motivate me. He keeps my heart straight and reminds me that Brandon is my husband, I love him dearly. I need him, and he needs me. We are a team. I cant and will not give up on my team mate. 

Last night, I mentioned what was said in Sunday school to him. It didn't go the way I had hoped. Of course, I am always hoping that it will be just want is needed, maybe...just maybe. (I know that Gods timing is perfect, and I cant rush it.)

But it is scary to think that Jesus is coming..... like a 'thief in the night' and we wont know when! Our time will be up. Did we do all we could? Right now, my answer would be 'no'. That makes me really sad. Break my heart sad. 

That is motivation for me to step up my game. To pray more, to ask God for ways to show Jesus to Brandon. To change myself so that Brandon can see who Jesus is, maybe in a different light. Not to hide away anymore; especially to my husband. I cant be scared to try to share the 'good news' with my husband.  

After our conversation, or lack there of, last night. I was devastated. I felt really, really low. Like I couldn't go on. All I could do is cry. I was in a pit. All by myself, without my husband. Pitty, pitty. (But I know Jesus. I am never in a pit!)

So I did what I know to do. I asked God to give me more reassurance. I need something to help me move forward. Because right now, I feel like giving up. As I cried and cried. He blessed my heart with the song, Desert Song by Hillsong. The lyrics rang so true to what I needed right then, and what I will hold on to. 

This is my prayer in the desert

And all that's within me feels dry

This is my prayer in the hunger in me

My God is a God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire

In weakness or trial or pain

There is a faith proved

Of more worth than gold

So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise

I will bring praise

No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice

I will declare

God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle

And triumph is still on it's way

I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ

So firm on His promise I'll stand

And I will bring praise

I will bring praise

NO WEAPON formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice

I will declare

God is my victory and He is here

All of my life

In every season

You are still God

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship

And I will bring praise

I will bring praise

No weapon formed against me shall remain

This is my prayer in the harvest

When favor and providence flow

I know I'm filled to be emptied again

The seed I've received I will sow

So, I am reminded: to pray during battle. That triumph IS on its way! I am a conqueror and co-heir in Christ, I will stand firm with his promises "he sent the Son of Man to seek and save the lost." That I will bring praise to my God. He created me, He saved me, He blesses me. He rescues me. There is NO weapon formed against me that will remain. God is on my side, He will distinguish all flames when I call his name. I will rejoice, He is my victory and HE IS HERE!  Resting in the fact that he will never leave me comforts my restless soul. I will NOT fight this battle alone. He is still God, even during my trials. He brought them upon me, he will bring me through them. I do have reason to sing. I do have reason to worship. I cant give up. I HAVE REASON!!  The seed that I have received, I will sow. I have been saved, by God's grace and mighty hand. I will sow my seeds with perseverance. This is my family. I will not give up. I have been saved to help share the gospel, to get Jesus to the lost. Starting with my husband.

My heart is still broken, but a broken heart conquers. I love my God. He never fails. I love my husband, and I will not give up on him or us. 

If Jesus came today, have you done all you could do to save your lost friends? I am determined to change my "no" to a "yes". Don't give up. God didn't give up on us. Don't give up on them.

Jesus Calling Me

I wanted to share what Jesus Calling from February 5th and 6th says. It is like God told me to go to that page and He wont let me leave the month. Every day since then He has spoken to me. Every day I am restored a little bit more.

 

Yesterday for Feb 5, I read:

"The only thing that you can grasp without damaging your soul is My hand".

Wow. That hit me hard. Stopped me in my tracks and made me really think about what I am grasping. I think that is very powerful.  

 

I was recently told by someone that they thought it was brave that I was able to share my thoughts and feelings and be vulnerable through my blog. She likes to write but cant put it out freely. I appreciate her kind words.

 

When I first started writing, it was firstly for myself. To get it out of my head and to make sense of it all. Plus I can go back and look back and remind myself of God powerful work in our life. And Landen can look back and see it as well.

 

Now, I see that these moments are given to me by the Lord, to share freely. He gives them to me, I need to share them. He restores me with His word and with His power. I am sure that I cant be alone with these things I am dealing with and maybe I can help some one else who could be dealing with the same issue.

 

This morning I sat down, ask Jesus Messiah to show me the word He has especially for me.

 

On Feb 6, this is what it says! (Hope your ready!):

Come to Me and rest. I am all about you, to bless and restore. Breathe Me in with each breath. The way just ahead of you is very steep. Slow down  and cling tightly to My hand. I am teaching you a difficult lesson, learned only by hardship.

Lift up empty hands of faith to receive My Precious Presence. Light, Life, Joy and Peace flow freely through this gift. when your focus turns away from Me, you grasp for other things. You drop the glowing gift of My Presence as you reach for lifeless ashes. Return to Me; regain My Presence.

He is teaching me a lesson. A lesson learned only through hardship. The past two days have been good days! Praise be to Him for that!  The circumstances haven't changed. But my outlook on them has, because I have made the choice to use His Holy Spirit to empower me. I need to continue to slow down the pace of our ordinary daily lives and focus in on what the lesson is, we will see the Light, Life, Joy and Peace that flows freely from this gift He has promised.

 

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." - Matthew 11:28-29

Its my choice

Yesterday morning I flipped to a random page in Jesus Calling and word of God spoke directly to me.

"I will get you safely through this day and all your days. But you can find Me only in the present. Each day is a gift from My Father. How ridiculous to grasp for future gifts when today's is set before you! Receive today's gift gratefully, unwrapping it tenderly and delving into its depths. " (Feb3)

I have been  on what I would call a "mental freak out" lately. Every day feels like a struggle. Not sure which way is up or how I get through them. There is a lot going on and when my mind is down, that is when the enemy will attack. And let me tell you, he is attacking.

 

He is in my head. He is in my words. He is in my tone. I have been just going through the motions and the motions haven't been very pretty. I don't like it at all. I miss my joy. I am certain that it isn't very fun for anyone in the Allbright household at this moment.

 

This morning, Brandon let for out of town for a few days. Only to return the morning of Landen's third birthday party. (Just a little more pressure.) But, when he left, I just cried. I stood there feeling sorry for myself. I felt horrible because I had been a ugly person the last few days and now he left. So ran out to him and said a proper goodbye, in the nick-of-time. But I still felt pitty on myself. So I turned to the one place where I could find rest and be open with my ugliness.

 

I opened my bible and my Jesus Calling book. I read today's: ...How much time and energy they waste by being always on the go, rather than taking time to seek my direction for their lives...  I have chosen you less for your strengths than for your weaknesses, which amplify your need for me! Depend on Me more and more and I will shower Peace on all your paths! WOW.

 

Then decided to turn back to Feb 3 and continue with Feb 4....and Word of God keep speaking please!

"Bring Me your weakness, and receive Me peace. Accept yourself and your circumstances just as they are. Do not wear yourself out with analyzing and planning. Instead, let thankfulness and trust be your guides through this day; they will keep you close to Me. As you live in the radiance of My Presence, My Peace shines upon you. You will cease to notice how weak or strong you feel, because you will be focusing on Me. The best way to get through this day is step by step with me. Continue this intimate journey, trusting that the path you are following is headed for heaven."

Along with that was Psalm 29:11 "The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace."

That struck me deeply. Right here in front of me, on my finger tips, in my bible, it says that the Lord gives his people strength and blesses us with peace. The bible is Truth. His word never fails and his promises are never broken.

 

Since this is true, why do I not feel strong and peaceful. Right then I prayed for an answer and guidance. And before I could finish praying I had my answer.

It is a choice. Its my choice.

A choice to use his Holy Spirit for that strength and peace. I have to choose to use it, especially in my ugly moments. It doesn't flow from me because I am a human fleshly sinner. It is up to me to put it into action, daily. Every morning, every minute, every second. To think before I say something to my rambunctious 3 year old. I still have a choice not to be offended when a someone doesnt react like I wish. I have choices! I choose to make choices that will bring glory to God, not shame him. To be intentional, aware of His Spirit within me and use it, for He has given it to me.

 

Otherwise satan takes over, he wins and I die.

 

I have been wanting my joy back. Asking for it, praying for it. But all along it has been my choice. It is MY joy. I am taking it back.

 

We will get through all that the Lord has placed before our family. There are changes taking place. Some good and some not good. But they are all changes that have passed through the Great I Am's powerful hands. That gives comfort to my weary soul. May all of this bring glory to Him and if we fall part in the mean time, may the Lamb of God be there to put our pieces back together.

 

Be Blessed Friends.

 

 

My Divine Appointment

I am reading Unglued. A great book that takes about many wonderful things, one of which is perspective.

 

Something that I was lacking the last week was perspective. Mainly with Landen.

 

I am nonstop with him. He is almost 3 with an attitude that is growing. Whines at the drop of a hat because he thinks he deserves everything. He is 1 child but majority of the time (and I say this non sarcastically) he is about 3 kids wrapped into 1. He and I have been at each other. We are about to break each other in to pieces!

 

I keep calling and calling on the only person that can help us, the only person who can give me the advice I need. The only person who knows how to handle Landen better than we do; that would be Landen's creator. God. Together, with His help, we will get through this..... and then we will face the next thing!

 

I would ask Landen, who is the only person that can help him and mommy right now and his answer would be Jesus. (Very powerful moment for a momma to witness.) Many, many times Landen and I would fall down into the floor and just pray for Jesus to help us.  We would sit and I would pray. Pray for Jesus to send the Holy Spirit into us, and help us understand one another. It certainly helped calm us down.

 

I love that the moments when I feel that I am coming unglued on my little curious 3 year old, together  we can call upon Jesus for His divine help.

 

But I felt as if I needed more...

 

I didn't know that God was going to give it to me in a Divine Appointment. He is always working on us, in us and around us. So I should have expected it.  Expect the unexpected with God, right?

 

A few weeks ago, two friends and I set up an appointment to travel and see another great friend who has been at Children's Medical Center in Dallas for about a month, with her second daughter who is now 1 month old. But 2 days before the day arrived my traveling companions had stuff come up and were not able to go. But my heart ever so much still wanted to go. So I went. And I am so glad that I did. For more reasons than this blog.  

 

Of course, I don't know God's plan, but dare I say that this was what I needed? A road trip with Jesus, to my unknowingly Divine Appointment? 

 

I was so looking forward to seeing my friend! I miss her!!  There family is in a tough spot, one that God put them in, because He knows that they are going to make it through this. She is a strong woman. A passionate mother, with a baby girl that is fighting for her life. With prayer, faith and God's mercy and grace they will get to come home soon. But not without a long road ahead of their family.

 

Our visit was perfect. The time had slipped away from us and I had to come back home to pick up Landen from school.

 

My view had changed. My heart was softened again. It happened instantly.

 

I was thanking God for allowing my child to 3 years old.

I was thanking God because he has a voice to whine.

I was thanking God because I can hold my baby when I want.

I was thanking God that my child has energy and is healthy. And the list goes on.....

 

I was no longer getting aggravated or irritated with Landen. I know these are all things to be praising God for but when you are caught up in your mundane life; it all starts to look the same.

 

I needed to take a big step outside of my mundane. God put me there.

I needed to see what I have is praise worthy. God showed me that.

I needed to reconnect with a sweet friend. God granted that.

 

Perspective from someone elses eyes looks totally different. You know, while I was with my friend. I got some bad news that has been weighing heavy. But she reached out and helped me, talked with me and even amidst her trouble, she helped me with mine. I love that about her. She is a total rock star! A sweet, caring friend, a faithful Christian and she has a genuine heart.

 

So, while I am working on my imperfect progress.... especially with Landen, I will be seeing my once aggravating, irritating burdens (for lack of a better word), as praise worthy blessings.

 

God gives us everything we need for this day. Nothing more, nothing less. Live by faith, one day at a time.

 

I have been focused on and studying Romans 12:11-12

"Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."

 

Be blessed friends.

 

Words and Actions

I am going to continue to share what other part of my imperfect progress the Lord is helping me work on: my words and actions.

 

Mostly towards my husband. I have been convicted of my words and actions towards 'outsiders' for a long time. It is in the comfort of my home that I let 'my comfy' get in the way. For I have someone who is lost looking at me 24/7. He sees what I do as a reflection of Jesus. I need to be His light, a bright light.

 

A different good friend from a different ladies night told us something that has stuck with me from the moment she spoke the words (these ladies nights we have are GREAT, for our souls!!!) She was talking about how she decided a long time ago to put her selfish needs aside for her husband. That she cant expect him to change if she isn't willing to change. That when she is meeting his needs, he is more willing to meet her needs. BOOM! The light went off! Thanks friend! :)

 

How true is that! It got my wheels turning and here we go!! 

 

How can I expect anything to change when my attitude stinks, or my tone is harsh, or my behavior is anything less than Jesus worthy? I cant and it wont. It will dig a deeper hole; a hole that he nor I can afford to get any deeper.

 

It just so happen that he was out of town that week. The next day, I pondered and prayed about the thoughts going on and how to react in the Spirit and not in the flesh to my husband. Because I want more than nothing to do so. I want him to see the Jesus that loves us, that died for us.

 

I have this dry erase board in the kitchen that usually holds a scripture or phrase. God told me to write a message to myself on it. A message of remembrance. Out in the open. So that my husband can see it. So that he will see that I am focused on changing, making a better change. Those words are seen every day. I walk by them many times. It is most certainly a reminder to choose not be offended and to speak lovingly to my husband. There are few times that I have slipped up, and I have repented and apologized. BUT! I am making imperfect progress.

 

When you get close with God, ask HIM what He shall have you do, and get real with yourself, and DO IT! It is amazing at what you can do!

 

I love it! I think that my husband can see a difference. Him seeing the board makes a difference for his actions, because he knows that I am working on it, I can tell he is working on it. See, I give, he gives - its a marriage!! A great marriage that one day will be united under God!

 

Clinging to this verse:

"Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives." - 1 Peter 3:1-2

 

*GOD IS ALWAYS SO GOOD!*

 

Offended

A good friend of mine said something at a ladies night a while back that has recently come back up in my mind and has stuck with me. She told us that 'being offended is a choice'. Man, I have never forgotten it. I have not chosen to live that way until recently.

 

What people say is not your choice, but you have the choice not to take offense to it. Just thinking about that lifts me from many unnecessary bad attitudes.

 

It helps me see pass the words that people choose. At first they may hurt my feelings, but only if I let them! My fight is not against the person. There words and actions cant hurt me, and I am choosing not to be offended.

 

I have to take a step back from the situation, before I say my first reaction, step away and tell my self "I am not offended by this. It is ok."

 

Just yesterday I had to put this into practice! Once I am convicted on something, I can guarantee that God will put me into many situations that will require me to test my endurance and stamina in that area. So I better be ready! Lord I hope I am! I think I am! It has really been on my heart and mind. (I remember when I first became a Christian, and was convicted on my patience, He made me sit at the doctors office for 3 hours.... just in the waiting room!! For a 5 minute check up from having my appendix removed!! Sheesh!! That was killer!)

 

I had been ironing our clothes all day Friday; B's shirt, my pants, my shirt, L's pants, L's shirt. Lots of other stuff along with it. I was kinda going crazy and decided it best that we have creases in our pants. So we would all match. Our shirts coordinated, they didn't match 100% but went together, the way family pictures are suppose too. I have never done this before, so I would say there was a small part of me going bizurk!

 

Yesterday as we were getting ready for our family pictures, I reminded B that he needed to pick out his pants and iron them, with creases. He did and then got irritated because the iron put a stain on them and he had to choose a different pair. Then he said that "we don't all have to have creases in our pants and look like the Brady Bunch". I told him (in a sincere voice - because I meant it) that was fine, to do whatever he felt he needed to do. Because in my head I was thinking that if he choose not to have creases, I would just iron out our creases. I would just take care of what I thought was the problem my self. I avoided the argument and chose NOT to be offended.

 

Granted, I may have to step into the bath room and said (in my head) "I am not Mrs. Brady Bunch, I don't even know what that means. They don't dress the same! I am NOT offended by that. It IS ok. I can fix this and it will be a great day." And it was a wonderful day, and my attitude didn't fall into a funk because it only took my about 3 minutes to iron out the creases and we were all happy and I didn't hurt my husband feelings with a snide remark back because I was offended.

 

Before choosing, I would have been extremely offended. I would have blown it way out of proportion and it would have thrown our whole day into a funk, it was happened before. I certainly don't like it when I cant control my emotions, Brandon doesn't like it and I am not showing that I am a Jesus girl by letting it happen. 

 

I was able to stay focused on my blessings. It is only part of my imperfect progress that I am making.

 

This is just the start of my journey of choosing not to be offended. I am taking back control of my feelings.  As Lysa TerKeurst says in unglued:

God gave me more than just a heart to process life. He gave me a mind as well. A mind made for truth to reign supreme and to keep my heart in check. We must remember. "The heart is deceitful above all things.... I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind" (Jeremiah 17:9-10)

 

 

 

 

 

My Voice

To get what is 'on the inside' out is a task that has proven to be much more difficult than I had expected it to be.

 

To open my mouth and speak what my mind thinks....

 

To let my heart over flow out of my mouth....

 

I have prayed many prayers to be able to open up and let it out! There is so much inside of me that I want to express. Sometimes it feels like I am physically incapable to say it. Like I am being choked. I know that there is not a wrong answer and what I have to say may help someone else. Someone else maybe thinking the same thing, or may have the same problem and I could help. But most of the time I am scared to speak.

 

I have pondered and pondered on why I have this problem for a long time. I can write it out, no problem. But when it comes to talking about it, I freeze, literally. I greatly enjoy writing about my feelings, my voice speaks loudly in my writing. When I write it out, people aren't here to interrupt me. Judge the topic. Or criticize my knowledge.

 

Just now, as I was in the kitchen cooking tonight's meal, and I had a totally different blog in mind, I figured out why I hold back what I have to say.

 

I think it is because in some way I consider myself an 'apprentice in being saved'. {break through}What I mean by that is that I have only been saved for 2 years. Everyone around me has years on me.

 

I fill myself with God's word every day but I am still new at this. I thank God every day but I am still new at this. I consult God with every choice I make but I am still new at this. I fight the devil every day but I am still new at this. I love God with all I have but I am still new at this. I have a unbelieving husband but I am still new at this. There are so many things that I have to offer people. That I could be offering people. I have incredible faith!

 

I don't speak out because I am still in that phase of "learning". Two years ago when I first started Sunday School I soaked it in like a sponge. A sponge that was dry and in desperate need of watering. Now I am a soaked sponge that is overflowing and can give to others. So now, if I may be so brave, I may venture into the "lending" stage and lend some of my advice, verbally. 

 

Casual talk doesn't bother me one bit; I am use to that. I have done that for 28 years. I can joke around in public, I can talk with my friends, but when it comes to talking about God, froze. It sucks because I KNOW Him!! And oh my, praying in public...well, God and I are working on that! (It is almost like my body goes into epileptic shock!)

 

I still may be new at this BUT I can give to others in a special way. My voice is MINE. God gave it to me to use!!  Let me get to using it, in other ways than on paper (or computer). So when I have something to say, I promise to say it. That is a promise to God and myself.  God doesn't care that I am not perfect and I shouldn't care what others think. So...here goes folks. Bare with me! :)

May my lips overflow with praise, for you teach me your decrees. - Psalm 119:171

And He said "Just Kidding"

We know that God never moves.

He is always near us.

He will never forsake us.

If we feel distant, we have moved away from his will. That is where I was as of last night, thankfully he is a God that is personal and comes to us when we ask him too.

 

For the past few days, maybe even a week; I have been in his word, worshiping him, doing all the 'right things'. But the distance between us was there, if anything it was growing. There was something that I was doing wrong and I couldn't take it anymore. I had to find out what was going on and try to fix it. So last night I went to him and confronted him about why my heart felt a little further than normal from him.

 

Personally, I am able to hear him best and we have our best conversations in the shower. I don't have the distractions of a sweet 2 year old or a loving husband. I can pray, cry and sing. (Then come out refreshed and looking beautiful! ;-))

 

The challenge is to be open enough to hear his voice and to see the answer. Most of the time we choose not to see the answer because it isn't what we want. But He loves us too much to leave us where we are. 

 

He is my creator. He knows without a shadow of a doubt what I need. I am ok with Him being quiet. I can 'be still'. I praise him for unanswered prayers and answered prayers, but what I won't stand for is being even a centimeter away from his everlasting grasp.

 

God said "You made a move that you thought was right, but you did it without consulting in Me first." He said that this is not going the way it was suppose to, so I am taking it away. Ouch! Yup, that is what I get! Trying to think that I could do it without him. I did it unintentionally but I still did it. There was a place in the back of my head where I am sure satan was saying "haha, gotcha".

 

And this is a small issue. I know that I would consult the Big Guy on all big things first. But we forget to consult him about the little things. And I did. And he reminded me that he is in charge of those too!! Yup, I am back tracking now! Taking it all back. All that I said before. Going back to where I once was. Trying to get my humility back.

 

What I have learned from this that I thought that I could do something and call it a God thing.....yeah, I was wrong. God may have been behind it from the start, but when I got took a step off of his track and did something for my glory and not his, he ultimately rejected the whole thing. When I did that, my mind got focused it on that thing and less on Him.  He brought to my attention last night that my focus was really on what other people may or may not have thought,. My intentions were not that, but I am a sinner. I need God's grace, mercy and strength...every day and in every thing.

 

Because I was doing all the 'right things', my tank remained full. I was able to see his answer, hear his voice and for that I am very thankful.

 

I am very blessed. Thank you for Your perfect plan, above all else, thank you for Your amazing grace. 

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. - Psalm 139:23-24

 

 

 

 

 

Representing My Faith

During my brief facebook hiatus, God poured some difficult trials on me. Life must go one. Being a mother, a wife, a christian, a friend, etc...all of those have duties. He apparently sees it fit to give me those, so He sees it fit that I can fulfill those duties. It was a brief period but I learned a lot about myself and about God.

 

It didn't take me as long to come to this conclusion about facebook as I thought it would. I enjoy my life without it being consumed with facebook. I get more done. However I do miss seeing my family and friends. All of those sweet babies. So I have decided that my hiatus is over.

 

Being involved with the youth at church, the kids are on facebook and it is an outreach.  They see worldly things that their friends post. I could be the one (hopefully not the only one) that post about God's glory, grace, mercy, etc.

 

Facebook doesn't have to be the devils playground. I have decided to use it to continue to spread God's word.

 

I miss encouraging people. You never know who needs it!

 

Ive been thinking about it for a few days and as Cory reaffirmed last night in youth:

"Being a Christian is not about what you don't do, it is about what you do to represent your faith!"

 

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. - Ephesians 2:10

 

Let us all start somewhere.

A new chapter.

"A comfort zone is not a growth zone."

 

I have heard it and been reminded of it many times recently. (You could say it is our motto in Sunday School.)

 

Today is the day that my comfort zone goes away and my growth zone begins! I start working with the youth at church tonight at church!

 

I loved working in the nursery. It is a fantastic place and a lot of wonderful things are happening there, with great people. When God speaks, I obey. Even when it is scary, because you don't want to miss the boundless blessings He has in store for you. (9 times out of 10, it seems very scary!)

 

The youth needed help at our church and he told me to go. I didn't want to go. I feel totally inadequate to teach youth. But when God tells you to do something, you know that He will give you everything and more you need  to accomplish it.

 

He kindly reminded me that the nursery was my comfort zone. I had been there a year and it was time for me to move on. I needed to step out and be stretched, be more vulnerable. You see, being in the nursery, the little, sweet babies, crawlers and toddlers cant talk back. They cant ask me questions about my past, or push me beyond my 'limits'.

 

But that is exactly what God was telling me to jump into. That He would be there to catch me. Where I am jumping is a wonderful place that needs people that love Him and His son!

 

I am excited for this next step in my life. Excited to see how God will use it. Even better things are yet to come!!! You just have to be available, so I am making myself available.

Humbled by my Child.

Tonight was a ordinary night. Landen and I had been shooting things with his new gun all day. It was a wonderful day. That little child had been filling my heart with joy just by looking at this face. Seeing him with his hat on backwards and his face lit up with pure happiness.

The events that have taken place the past few days and in the days to come have shaken me to the core. But the thing is, all that has brought me even closer to the Lord. His presence is so strong with in me that is kinds scares me, just a little. It is like I am no longer there and it is Him. (Whoa!) I have been told the past few months by a few of the most important people in my life that I am "wise beyond my years".

Its scares me because I don't know exactly what to do with it, yet. I know.... you say "Miranda, He will show you." I know He will....in his time.

For all the work that I put into my family. All the time and effort, it seems effortless. It is what I am made off.  It seems to flow from me. I have been made for this. Giving the Lord to them. We didn't have the Lord before a year ago. We have lived with out him for so long. No longer!!! Of course I get weary and tired.! But that is when I lean on the Lord and he gives me the strength I need to continue for His glory!

Everything I do is first and foremost for the Lord and then for my family to see the glory of God and then other people to see the glory of God.

Teaching Landen of the Lord is so very important to me and it keeps me on my toes. It is always on the forefront of my mind. Everywhere we go. In everything that we do. With everyone we come into contact with.

Today Mr. Landen taught me a lesson. It was a lesson that touched my heart. A lesson I am thankful for, I will send to his blog so he can remember this too. :)

**I gave Landen his plate for dinner, and sat down beside him and we started to eat. Then he stopped, looked at me and bowed his head and said "I am praying".

(Yep, at that moment God spoke to me and I saw my son teach me a valuable lesson of thankfulness and conviction.)

Landen know the Father's Prayer, "Our Father in heaven, your kingdom come....(every night before bed, that is our prayer) so that is what he started saying.

I asked him if he wanted me to pray for our food and he said yes. So I did (and the Lord again, works on me praying out loud.) So I did, we said Amen. and then I snapped this picture.

He is precious. Absolutely precious. It makes me cry thinking of it.

That moment shows me that of all the things that I am doing, he is getting it! I am leading Landen to the kingdom of the Lord!!!  As long as I am living, I will pray for, live for and love for that little boy. He has treasure in the kingdom of heaven! It is all because of the Lord and his grace, love, kindness and forgiveness for me that I am able to show that to my son.  

Prasie our God, for He is good!

After tonight, we will be praying before our meals!!  :)

Thought I would leave you all with this; Stars and whales singing to "How Great is our God!!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hd_iK6IMHCE&feature=autoplay&list=FLzhN6wV_PKKjslJkd5WnTyw&playnext=3

SMS (Shine)

I have heard this song a few times the past few days and each time it stricks something inside me that I want to share with you all. I love it so much and I hope you all will love it too.  When I hear a song that makes my heart beat funny, I like to close my eyes, raise a hand a worship the Lord! Because I know He is speaking to me through song. Take a moment to see if He speaks to you too.

The David Crowder Band

- SMS (Shine)

Send me a sign
A hint, O whisper
Fill me with life
'Cause I am listening

Come break the quiet
Breathe your awakening
Bring me the light
'Cause I am fading

Surround me with the rush of angels' wings

Shine Your light so I can see You
Pull me up, I need to be near You
Hold me, I need to feel loved
Can You overcome this heart that's overcome?

You sent a sign
The hint, O whisper
Human, divine
Everyone is listening

Death laid low
Quiet in the night is stirring

All around the rush of angels

O the wonder of the greatest love has come

Shine Your light so all can see it
Lifted up, 'cause the whole world needs it
Love has come, what joy to hear it
He has overcome, He has overcome

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8cAU475dQo 

My Assignment

I want to tell you all a story, a long story, of how the Lord showed up right when I needed him. How he filled me with his Spirit and walked me every step of the way. At first, I didn't know expect the day to turn out like it did, but He did. I am once again, in awe of the Lord Almighty.

One my way to church I talked to my sister and told her that if she wanted to come to church, today would be a great day to do it, because our possible new preacher is preaching! She then told me that she couldn't because my great grandmother's health has really turned for the worse and she probably wont make it through the week. (My sister works for hospice and she knows these kinds of things, she sees death all the time.) So immediately God convicted me of any plans I had after church. The guilty feeling. I knew that I should be there with her in the nursing home. That I had to rush to her side asap. I made plans to drop Landen off with Brandon at home and drive to Whitehouse. But first God knew that I needed to be prepared for my "assignment".

Yesterday at Macedonia Baptist Church, we heard our new preacher! Dr. Keith Kelly was called to our church by God, this was his divine appointment. He served as a mighty warrior! I want to give you a brief run down of his sermon, because each part of it pertains to what happened to me. He spoke about "The Faith that Kills Giants." (This sermon would come to mean so much to me and God has a divine purpose for EVERY thing.) I Samuel 17 David and Goliath.

I. A faith devoted to the assignment: requires discernment, understanding of the assignment. - I knew that driving to my grandmother that death was approaching and that the Lord was the only one who could help/relieve her.

- It requires conviction to do the assignment. (check...the Lord had already accomplished that one.) 

David saw Goliath as an opportunity, not a threat.

I LOVE THIS: Dr. Kelly said, that if we

 "seek out and serve, the Lord can sanctify. But when we set and soak, we get sour. "

II. A faith expressed through the right attitude. - it requires total abandonment from others and commonsense. David told Saul that his Lord will fight the fight for him.

III. A faith exercised though action: - it requires preparation. Time with the Lord. On my drive to my great grandmother, I spent each moment speaking with the Lord. Asking for his wisdom, words and giving him my tears and fears. I know that He is in control and if he wants my precious grandmother, then he will have her. Glory be to him. And she will no longer be in the pain she is in, no my suffering. She will be at his feet praising him!  I was praising him for that!!

- it also requires execution: I was praying that the Lord give me strength to be what my family needed. To be his shining light in this time of darkness. I could feel him within me, but I wanted others to feel it. They needed to feel it. I wanted to be able to pray out loud for her (which I am not very good at, but the Lord is making sure I am working on that!)

- Prayer prepares you for battle. It doesn't take the battle away, it makes it bearable because you have the Lord with you.  

At the bottom of my note pad, I wrote"

"What is your assignment?"

Answered with, "To visit my great grandmaw"

Now I didn't know at the time that my actual assignment would turn to be ushering her into the presence of the Lord himself.  

My aunt and I were on each side of her, while she was taking breathing treatment. We were holding her hands. She was in a lot of pain. I was telling her and my aunt of the glorious day when she will see Jesus! I told my great grandmother that it was ok to go see him. She will no longer hurt, no longer suffer. She will dance with angels, she will worship with the King of Kings! Hallelujah!! My great grandmother has wanted to be with Jesus for along time now.

About 15 minutes passed during the treatment, we removed the mask to realize Jesus had already taken her. What a glorious, very sad, serial moment. I am so thankful that God put me at her bedside. He gave me the moment to hold her hand. To talk to her. To say sweet words to her. To pray for her when she left this earth. Wow. A moment in time that I will hold dear forever and always.

Later that day, my sister told me that she had told my aunt early that morning (my sister didn't know I was going up there yet) "make sure you, or who ever is there, tell granny that it is ok to let go, that it is ok to go see Jesus. I see a lot of people hold on to life because they are scared. They need to know that it is ok."

I KNOW that God put me there!! How humbling.

Satan was in my head for a brief moment with excuses of why I shouldn't go.....thank you God for over powering the devil!

{Thank you Dr. Keith Kelly for enabling me for this assignment, and many more to come! You have my vote!! }

Rest in Peace Sweet Great Grandmaw. Mary McDaniel, 91 beautiful years! Love you so much!

Dance a dance with the King for me!!

Not a Follower

Today the world didn't collapse.

Today the world kept moving.

Today my life kept focus and wasn't filled with unnecessary nonsense.

Today was the day that I canceled Facebook.

But I was feeling some "with drawl" symptoms!  I reached out and seeked encouragment from a friend, and boy did she give it!

She told me that:

"God is clapping his hands at me and is very proud of me. She then called me a leader not a follower".

I dont think I am ever been called a leader before.

She told me that she looks up to me and wants to me like me and there for I am her leader!

WHOA! What? (Thank you sweet friend. You are very special to me too.)

The next words out of my mouth (or out of my hands because we were texting) surprised even myself just a little. I told her:

"I try to be someone who people will respect but mostly I just try and be who God wants me to be."

She said, "that is what I mean - those words amaze me."

Looking back on what I said, they amaze me too.

As long as I am striving to be who God wants me to be,  I am going to be ok!

And I can't follow people if I am going to follow God!

I am a follower of Jesus Christ!!

Then he said to them all: Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. - Luke 9:23

My Facebook Convition

Facebook..... a network that gives you the power to make your life seem inferior in an instant. Where you have "friends" who look at your pictures and who read what you "choose" to share.

I have been denying this conviction for a while but I have decided to give God his way! He has given me SO many answered prayers, this is something that I can humbly do for him, set aside my idol until it looses its strong hold.

God isn't happy with my "addiction" over facebook. The Lord has told me let it go. That I shall have NO other idols!! I am getting to involved in it; it takes up to much time, my son's time, my husband's time, My Lord's time!

I am tired of hurting myself. Of getting my feelings hurt because of something so petty. It's really pathetic and ridiculous. I am ready to move on!!

Most of the people on facebook are my family and close friends. There are a few were aren't really a part of your real life. They are your "facebook friends". (I don't like that term.) They don't want to or care to talk to me out side of facebook, I wish they wanted to but I cant change them. But somehow I feel the need to be accepted by them. To see what they are doing.

**The only one that I need to be accepted by it my Savior and He accepts me as I am!**

I can't get away from it, so I have to deactivate my account for a little while. Until I can get grasp on how I handle it. I have tried to "not look". To take it off my phone. I am a weak human! It doesn't matter. I have to take the temptation away and refocus totally.

Once I take this idol away, there is no telling what God will do! He is a faithful and gracious God. He has blessed us with my faithfulness many times before.

I have this blog that I love! Without facebook in the way, I will be blogging more. If you want to read them, please follow along! Hopefully, God willing, there will be plenty of good blogging to come! I also have a blog for Landen. That I write letters, stories, post pictures too. Its great! Something that he will have forever!  I will be tending to that a lot more now also.

I am excited to lean on the Lord. To get into His word and to see what He has in store for me and my family!!

God bless you friends! Until next time, see you on the flip side! :)

Look to the Lord and his strength;

seek his face always. - 1 Chronicles 16:11

Called Me Out

This morning started as usual. Wake up, breakfast, coffee and our Tuesday routine grocery trip. Things were going fine. Nothing great, nothing terrible. Landen and I were doing....ok.

One thing that was not ok, was my attitude. My tone. Landen was acting like a normal 2 year old (well, his normal 2 year old self) and this morning, I was letting it get the better of me. My words were stinging my ears, so I knew they were stinging his.

I didn't like it, so I knew he didn't like it. And I could guarantee that God didn't like my sour attitude.

Things progressively got worse, as I talked to my husband on the phone, my words and tone stung him. We hung up the phone and I single handley made his attitude turn from good to bad.

I was a mad little bee, just stinging everyone who got in my way.  

**sting sting sting, buzz buzz buzz**

Over nothing. There wasn't anything that happened. I was acting like my son! Being a 2 year old.

Landen and I were on our way to the splash pad to hang out with our friends, and I had a talk with God.

I repented for my attitude. I thanked him for his new compassion everyday, because He sure knows I need it! I asked him to forgive me for stinging everyone I loved dearly and to walk with me the rest of the day. Be by my side and take this anger that I was showing away from me.

My pride was shocked at what I heard from him!! Shocked!

He told me to apologize!

He said that he would walk with me, he would always be with me, but I needed to sincerely apologize out loud, to the people I had been rude too. And of course I had to do what he said. I cant tell him no!

He told me that I was acting like his little 2 year old and I need to apologize. (That is what I make Landen do! The lessons that come back to get me!! "Aww, man. For reals? Well played, God, well played!")

I think that God put that red light in my path, at that particular time just so that I could turn around and apologize to my sweet little 2 year old. Landen has great compassion, and said that he forgave me and we vowed to have a great day together with God beside us!

I called my husband and apologized. He forgave me. After I did that, it was like God said, "Thank you child. Now have a better day with me beside me." and Landen and I have been GREAT!

I set my pride aside and did what I was told to do.

*Blessings follows obeidience*

Next time I will try and not let it come to that point. I will ask for God to come along side me BEFORE I start stinging people.

Thank heavens God forgives us!!!!!!

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him. -  Lamentations 3:22-24

Melting Pot

For a while now I have been telling myself that I need to sit down a blog again. Well I am now at my kitchen table blogging because I feel that I am about to explode inside. (I m not sure what this will look like, so bear with me. It may be a melting pot.)

One of the things on my mind is how hard it is to take a family through life being the only spiritual leader. It is extraordinarily hard. A challenge that when I am not crying out to God in despair for help, I am thanking him. He sees something in me. Something that I don't at times, something that keeps me going! That in its self is inspiring. To know that God loves you enough to give you a challenge like that, and knows that you can make it through it for his glory! It is hardest when I see my husband discouraged and in need of God's grace, love and mercy. I know that God is the only one that can mend and restore him. That is when I break down, but that is when I need to grow to be my strongest!

As many of you know, I love Jesus with my whole being. Jesus is deep in my soul. He is on my mind all the time! It is like I am having a love affair with him. All day, everything I do. I wake up singing random songs about him! It is most important to teach my son the importance of God. The glory of God. The value and beauty of God against the scorned and dark world. I want to tell everyone about him. He makes me happy, very happy. (I thank him for the great parking spots!) He has done so much for me. He is faithful and will always come when called.

Last Sunday in Sunday School, we talked about idols. What takes place of your time with Jesus? Anything can be an idol. Good things can be idols; kids, jobs, hobbies. God clearly says that we shall not have idols above him, HE is our one idol. Now I am not saying I don't have idols, because surely I would clean my house or sit on the couch and watch tv than be in in his word! But it is something I intend to work on. Setting off more time with my Savior. In this dark world, I need it. I need his strength to fight my family through!

It takes effort to stay in the 'light', when we are in darkness and especially when times are good. It is easy to slip away from God, the world is like a black hole! When we are in darkness, we search for the light. When times are good, we don't search for it and we get consumed with 'things' and loose sight of His glory if we don't have a heart for Jesus. That is why it is imperative to transfer truth to the next generation.

I want to thank all of you who have prayed for us the past few days (my Sunday school class, you guys always pray for us, or via facebook post). There are some choices to be made. While I am asking the Lord which way to go, Brandon is stressed and if you could please continue those prayers, we would greatly appreciate it. I know that having you join me in the fight helps take the heavy load off my shoulders.

When people say "ask for prayer". Do it!! We need to help! Asking each other for prayer doesn't mean we are weak, it means we are coming together under God to worship him and his power, in supporting each other! We weren't meant to fight this battle alone.

Have a great day friends!