We know that God never moves.
He is always near us.
He will never forsake us.
If we feel distant, we have moved away from his will. That is where I was as of last night, thankfully he is a God that is personal and comes to us when we ask him too.
For the past few days, maybe even a week; I have been in his word, worshiping him, doing all the 'right things'. But the distance between us was there, if anything it was growing. There was something that I was doing wrong and I couldn't take it anymore. I had to find out what was going on and try to fix it. So last night I went to him and confronted him about why my heart felt a little further than normal from him.
Personally, I am able to hear him best and we have our best conversations in the shower. I don't have the distractions of a sweet 2 year old or a loving husband. I can pray, cry and sing. (Then come out refreshed and looking beautiful! ;-))
The challenge is to be open enough to hear his voice and to see the answer. Most of the time we choose not to see the answer because it isn't what we want. But He loves us too much to leave us where we are.
He is my creator. He knows without a shadow of a doubt what I need. I am ok with Him being quiet. I can 'be still'. I praise him for unanswered prayers and answered prayers, but what I won't stand for is being even a centimeter away from his everlasting grasp.
God said "You made a move that you thought was right, but you did it without consulting in Me first." He said that this is not going the way it was suppose to, so I am taking it away. Ouch! Yup, that is what I get! Trying to think that I could do it without him. I did it unintentionally but I still did it. There was a place in the back of my head where I am sure satan was saying "haha, gotcha".
And this is a small issue. I know that I would consult the Big Guy on all big things first. But we forget to consult him about the little things. And I did. And he reminded me that he is in charge of those too!! Yup, I am back tracking now! Taking it all back. All that I said before. Going back to where I once was. Trying to get my humility back.
What I have learned from this that I thought that I could do something and call it a God thing.....yeah, I was wrong. God may have been behind it from the start, but when I got took a step off of his track and did something for my glory and not his, he ultimately rejected the whole thing. When I did that, my mind got focused it on that thing and less on Him. He brought to my attention last night that my focus was really on what other people may or may not have thought,. My intentions were not that, but I am a sinner. I need God's grace, mercy and strength...every day and in every thing.
Because I was doing all the 'right things', my tank remained full. I was able to see his answer, hear his voice and for that I am very thankful.
I am very blessed. Thank you for Your perfect plan, above all else, thank you for Your amazing grace.
Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. - Psalm 139:23-24
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