2012 has brought many things that still linger on my heart. I am looking forward to a new year to make a clean start. A start of my choice. Not someone else making that choice for me, because they just feel like it.
I can make 2013 whatever I want it to be and right now I refuse to make it full of negative thoughts or emotions from the past. Lingering thoughts of why a friendship completely fell apart. So right now, I am letting it all out there, and letting it go.
The past is there for a reason. I learned a lot and while I regret some it, it has showed me that I truly need to let it all go. For my own sake and sanity. Let go and let God fix whatever is broken. I am not in charge and I am only hurting myself. I wont let the past hold me hostage any more. The 'going back and wondering' is keeping me in the past. I need to accept that it did happen, and that I cant change why or how it happened. But I can move on and I can protect myself from it happening again. I forgive my friend but I can't forget.
I want to talk about resolutions. For the year 2012 I came up with an anagram CLOSER, of things that I wanted to work on. Craft, Love, Organize, Save, Exercise, Read.
I did good on most of those: I crafted some - not as much as I would have hoped, I did organize the house and our stuff, I saved with the help of our Mighty Provider, I exercised (when chasing our little boy!) and I read a few good books!
But mostly I loved people. More than ever. I love them when there actions didn't deserve love in return. I loved them when they lashed out at me before they thought about their words and how they sting. I gave love to them because Jesus gave love to me. The Holy Spirit worked in me like never before. When I wanted to lash right back at them for saying hurtful words, I stopped and humbled myself and gave love. It was hard at times but in the end, it was worth it.
This years resolution anagram is going to be FRESH BREATH. Because, yes, I need a fresh breath! A fresh breath of life!
A perfect reason to let go and take a deep fresh breath in 2013: I just recently found out that a major prayer has been answered. Not only for me but for two of my friends as well. A while back I desperately prayed, over and over again (Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desire of your heart. - Psalm 37:4) for the Lord to send me a friend. A "garden friend". I was loosing mine and I really needed a friend to communicate to and lean on. A friend in time of need. When I prayed, I just didn't pray for any friend. I specifically asked for a friend here in Longview. Because my old friend was out of town, and that made it hard.
Well, time passed and just recently two of my new really good friends mentioned to me that they also prayed for friends a while back!
Did you hear me? They prayed for me too! The same time I was praying for them! That brings tears to my eyes. We prayed for each other, and God answered.
Us three.. we talk all the time, we laugh, we pray for each other, we share, we craft and we make fun of each other! We have kids the same age, one friend and I went to high school together (we have been friends but just gotten closer) and all three go to the same church. I love those girls. God's unfailing love and faithfulness comes in abundance. He didn't only give me one garden friend, He gave me two! He took away one but replaced her with two. Two Christian women, who would do anything for me and my family. And I for them!
When I think about it like that, it becomes a divine intervention. It is time for me to move on. I don't want to be blocked out of someones life for saying the wrong thing, wanting advice, have to walk on egg shells or have the other party do the same. A divine intervention for both parties, old and new.
So if you haven't guessed it, the
"F" in fresh is for friends! I love you Haley and Meagan!!
"R" is for Rely on God. To fight my fights.
"E" is for Escape for my sanity. To take some time for myself.
"S" is for Save because of my savior.
"H" is for Heal, my past wounds.
"B" is for Blog. I miss it, maybe it can be part of my Escape!
"R" is for Read. Books and Bible to better myself
"E" is for Exercise
"A" is for Affirm my husband. For all that he does.
"T" is for Teach of Jesus! To all who will listen!
"H" is for my Health, to get that in check.
That is a lot! But I am looking forward to this fresh start. Not looking back! 2013 will be great, but guaranteed it will bring trials too. When they come, we will take them, one step at a time.
I plan on continuing to take pictures because I love it so much. It is more like hobby for me. I am blessed that there are people out there that admire my work and want me to take there pictures. I don't like the pressure that comes with it being a business per say. I like having Faith and going with the Flow!
Thank you for listening to me babble about my past and future! It was weighing heavy on my heart today for some reason.
I hope you all have had a wonderful Christmas and will have a blessed New Year!
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
For God said. "Let light shine out of darkness", made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. - 2 Corinthians 4:6
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