This Past Sunday

Good morning everyone! I have been wanting to write this blog since Sunday night.....but I am just so tired! lol I am working the nursery at church for our Super Duper Sports Camp and those kiddos give me a run for my money! lol  So I am just now getting around to blogging about my experience in church Sunday.

As you know, I am wanting to be baptized. First I need to walk down during invitation and let the church know that I have taken the Lord as my Savior. As I have expressed before, that is very nerve racking for me, to say the least. A wonderful person and a friend of mine, Meagan, said that she would walk down with me when I decided to go. (Thank you Meagan). And that offer sounds great, but for me to get the nerve and do it.....well that is what this blog is about.

Let me start out saying that I did NOT walk down this past Sunday.  From the moment I walked in to the chapel, I felt over whelmed with joy and emotion. I had a sense that this Sunday was the one (even though when Meagan asked me in Sunday School if I was going to walk down, I told her no.) They had a young girl and boy get baptized, sign number 1. During the opening praise songs, they sang two songs that always make me emotional. "Our God Saves" and ""Stronger" ("Stronger" is ALWAYS a 'tear jerker' for me....), clue number 2.  The sermon was wonderful, as always. During the invitation, I felt the very powerful overwhelming urge to go down but my body would not move. My heart was beating SO fast and hard. I was shaking a lot, I was crying a little....it was an emotional disater.

I know that I need to and should let the church know that I have accepted God into my heart and want to me a member....but a force has taken over my body and wouldnt let me move. All afternoon I felt shaken up. I knew that I should have walked down that aisle, I hate that I let my anxiety and fear replace my joy for the Lord. It is a stuggle....a battle and I want the Lord to win!!!

I know in my heart that I am a changed person. I know in my heart that I have accepted God as my personal Savior. I know the joy of personally knowing the Lord.  I am not hiding from it; I am just trying to break free of the anxiety and nervousness that comes along with all my fears.

I want to be baptized on July 24th. That will be a step into making my changed heart public. On that day, someone may have to drag me there but I will do it! (ha ha ha just kidding, I will willingly but certainly not without a shaking body). I will try and hid my emotions of being anxious, I wont be able to hid the tears. 

I know my church will not judge me, they will be proud of me, they will accept me...I think what is so fearful to me is the fact that all the attention will be on me and I am making this journey alone. I dont necessarly like all the attention. So while I am trying to keep my heart from beating out of my chest, I will do it!!  When it is over, I will breathe a huge sign of relief and know that I am forever changed.

Please say a prayer for me, I would appreciate it.

Thank you for listening to me rattle.

Have a great day, God Bless!

And remember....

There is love that came for us
Humbled to a sinner's cross
You broke my shame and sinfulness
You rose again victorious

Faithfulness none can deny
Through the storm and through the fire
There is truth that sets me free
Jesus Christ who lives in me

Chorus
You are stronger! You are stronger!
Sin is broken
You have saved me
It is written
Christ is risen
Jesus You are Lord of all

No beginning and no end
You're my hope and my defence
You came to seek and save the lost
You paid it all upon the cross

So let Your name be lifted higher
Be lifted higher be lifted higher