Feeling alone

So the deal is that I attend church and sunday school by myself (with out Brandon).

For those of you who don't know, we have different views on religion. I don't push it because I love him and I cant change his beliefs. So there is no reason to fight my husband about it. (I cant do anything about it, but God can). I have just recently became a believer myself, in Feb of this year. I often wonder why it took me so long to find this relationship! I feel closely connected with Him.

Brandon doesn't put his beliefs on me. He doesn't try to talk me out of going to church, he is supportive of it. He believes that raising Landen in the church is the best place for him.  He lets me talk about my feelings, experiences with him and doesn't judge me. You see....he is so amazing!!

So for the past few months, I attend church alone. (My sister started going with me, which is AMAZING!!) My Sunday school class (which is also amazing) is for young couples. Everyone is a couple, except me. I have a husband, but not at church. It is so weird, awkward and emotional for me. I don't speak up in church, although I have many, many, many thoughts that I want to make, but for some reason I haven't been able to let them out. The people are so friendly and welcoming but I just cant get out of my shell. I want them to know me and see who I am but I haven't had the courage yet. So, I sit there and feel as if I am about to bust open with something to say, but yet I cant say it. Mrs Janet (my spiritual mentor and Sunday school teacher) knows the new me well. We meet all the time and talk. I am not a shy and quiet person. I just love her so much.

Yesterday while I sat in Sunday school class, waiting for it to start, it hit me. I miss my husband. He is my partner. My other half. He is the one that encourages me, makes me feel comfortable, bring the "me" out. I sat alone and missed him.

So after church, I was fine. Enjoying my family time and then later that night it started thinking of it again. I started to feel sad for my situation and almost got depressed about it.  So as we got into bed, I opened my bible. I kissed Brandon good night and when he shut his eyes, I began to pray. When I looked down to my bible, I flipped to the page in John where I left off...or where I thought I left off.

John 14:1 says "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me."

Could it get any clearer?!?! At that  moment I froze my mind around it and began to trust in the Lord. I trust that he will see me through this and shine His light upon my wonderful husband. I can do ANYTHING through Him. He is always with me, always beside me. When I feel alone I know He is there. Having my husband there would be the ultimate gift and maybe in time, he will be. For us to be partners and parents in this life with God guiding us would be my ultimate wish.

I felt a sense calmness come over me. I wasn't worried anymore. It was like God was right there beside me in the bed saying "Miranda, Trust ME"!!!  Oh man..how powerful  it that...as I type this, I want to cry. It is just so overwhelming!!!  It is a wonderful feeling! If you are reading this and you don't have it, then I recommend you getting it!!  

I finished reading my bible and went to bed (first I posted on facebook about it because I was SO excited).